|
As a Minnesota couples therapist who digs Love is Blind, I was intrigued to see how the UK version would compare to its US counterpart. One thing that struck me was the noticeable level of emotional intelligence displayed by many contestants in the UK show. Emotional Intelligence: the IngredientsOne of the most refreshing aspects of Love Is Blind UK was the level of emotional maturity exhibited by many of the contestants. This contrasts with some other reality dating shows, where emotional intelligence can sometimes take a backseat to drama and conflict. Let's explore the key aspects of emotional intelligence that were prominently displayed throughout the show: Open Communication & Assertiveness: Many contestants were willing to discuss their feelings, fears, and expectations openly. They engaged in honest dialogues about their past relationships, insecurities, and hopes for the future. This openness laid the groundwork for deeper connections and mutual understanding. One time I really appreciated this was with Tom & Maria. They obviously had different views on gender roles in a marriage. I really appreciated how both made their values clear knowing the other didn’t agree. Tom got a lot of heat for this, but I appreciate his directness in letting Maria know that he wanted a partner with ambition in her career and didn’t want his partner to stay home with the kids. Maria had opposite values about this and was also very clear about it. Gender roles in a marriage are a very important thing to be on the same page with, so I admire the risk it took in them putting it out there. Active Listening:Numerous participants demonstrated excellent listening skills, showing genuine interest in their partners' thoughts and feelings. They asked thoughtful follow-up questions and provided empathetic responses, creating an environment where both parties felt heard and valued. Emotional Regulation: When faced with conflicts or disappointments, many contestants displayed admirable emotional regulation. Instead of reacting impulsively, they often took time to process their emotions and respond in a more measured way. This skill was particularly crucial given the high-pressure environment of the show. I saw Freddie regulating his emotions when it might’ve been easy to let them get out of control when in intense conversations with Cat. His ability to regulate is likely why he had little patience for her inability to do the same. I will say that Ollie did not show the best emotional regulation skills when presented with the conflict with Jasmine. I did see him trying but his first instinct was to shut down and give up. Empathy:Participants frequently demonstrated a keen ability to understand and share the feelings of their partners and the other contestants, offering support and compassion during challenging moments. This empathy fostered a supportive atmosphere even amidst the competition inherent in the show's format. Even though Jasmine went a little overboard at times, I think she really cared about the other women and did her best to support them during tough times. Self-Awareness:Numerous contestants showed a high degree of self-awareness, openly acknowledging their flaws and areas for growth. Demi, in particular, impressed me with her journey of self-reflection and personal growth, even under the intense scrutiny of reality TV. Implications for Relationships The emotional intelligence displayed in Love Is Blind UK shows me that at least some of these contestants will continue to do well in having hard conversations in relationships, navigating conflict, and fostering deep connections. And some will likely continue to struggle with these things until they do some inner work to figure out why this happens. Let’s be real – this is still reality TV and we all need to take what we see with a grain of realism. I was, however, impressed with this season’s cast and look forward to see more seasons set in the UK. The show serves as a reminder of the importance of emotional intelligence in forming and maintaining healthy relationships. It also highlights the ongoing progress in breaking down barriers to emotional expression and fostering more authentic connections. Consider talking to a couples therapist or online therapistAs we continue to value and cultivate emotional intelligence in our society, we may see more examples of these skills across various platforms and in everyday life. This can only lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships - both on and off the screen. Read about my thoughts on cheating (based on Love is Blind 2024), or other seasons of Love is Blind here, or read more about couples therapy and marriage counseling hot topics on our therapy blog. (Not sure what ENM means? Do you need a sex room? (spoiler alert: YES, you do need a sex room!) Thinking about opening your relationship? Interested in knowing more about self-love and pleasure?) Of course, if you're anywhere in Minnesota and want to connect, we would love to talk with you about relationships, sexual concerns, trauma and PTSD, and more.
Sex Therapy and Couples Counseling Services in MinnesotaOur LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Our mental health services include sex therapy, therapy around sex and substances, couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"!!!
0 Comments
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, James Chadwick, MSW LICSW So you want to take it in the butt? Now what? Well, there could be at least two possible lingering impediments. Particularly for the cisgender heterosexual male reader, you may be wondering if curiosity or even enjoyment of anal play makes you gay. 1) It doesn’t and 2) it’s probably a fantastic opportunity to examine potential homophobia that you might be perpetuating. Sexual orientation is typically far more complex than a single sexual act and usually encompasses romantic or affectional preferences. Moreover, if you land at the (I would argue correct) conclusion that there’s simply nothing wrong with being a gay man, you’re far more likely to fully enjoy anal play for all that it can offer. You’re probably also worried about poop. Be honest, and don’t be shy! It’s ok. As I’ve said, shit happens, and if you are keen on minimizing the occurrence of it I would refer you to my past blog “The Back Door Is Open!” (Anal) Sex Worth Having So we’ve identified some sexual brakes to anal play (“threat to masculinity” and “mess.”) Potential pain is certainly another; I think it follows that if something hurts you’re going to be averse to it (I’m guessing that no one is reading this with their hands on a stove. Unless you’re into that, and I’d be the last to stop you or yuck your yum, as long as it’s safe and consensual!). The late great sex educator and host of Talk Sex, Sue Johansen, (rest in power, and thanks for keeping me company on late-night TV when I shouldn’t have been watching!) was fond of suggesting that “if anal hurts, you’re doing it wrong.” While this is generally accurate, I think it falls a little short. As I mentioned briefly in “The Back Door Is Open,” there are two ring-like muscles that control the sphincter, one that is controlled more voluntarily than the other. There is a fair amount of stretching that occurs during anal play, and if you ram something or someone in there like you may have seen in porn, it will probably hurt. As Sue also famously said (and I’m paraphrasing here - it’s been a good two decades since the Talk Sex days..), “lube is your friend.” Start Small & Come as You AreI would say depending on what you are inserting, and I stand by my recommendation to start quite small as long as it has a flared base, there may be a manageable amount of pain, and it is pretty likely to subside as you become more familiar with sensations. Obviously everyone has different pain thresholds and it is crucial to listen to your body and take a break if the pain is unbearable. Dr. Emily Nagoski, badass bestselling author of “Come As You Are,” writes extremely eloquently about “sex worth having.” The general idea is that in order to desire sex, it has to be sex that you are genuinely and unequivocally interested in, or sex worth having. I’m not sure that she had anal sex in mind per se, but I think it absolutely applies here. The mind is your most powerful sex organ - not anything between your legs, sorry! - and a natural curiosity and embrace of this kind of sexual exploration will likely take you a long way. This leads me to a further consideration: broaching anal play with a partner or partners, particularly if anyone has reservations. The More the Merrier!Generally speaking, anal sex is a great practice to share. The anus is a prominent erogenous zone, packed with nerve endings, to say nothing of prostate stimulation. It follows that giving and receiving pleasure of any variety can be a solid form of fostering intimacy between partners. And, just as there can be and often are stark differences in libido generally between partners, there can be dramatically different ideas about and approaches to anal sex. Learning About Anal Sex Helps Education, be it a resource like this blog, work with an attuned clinician, or something else, can lay the groundwork for exploration. If we use attachment theory as a framework, it’s imperative to establish a secure base and feel sufficiently safe to begin a new behavior. Empathy is also key; rather than attacking a partner’s reservations or resorting to defensiveness, endeavor to really understand their point of view. Consent is paramount, always. Even if the end result is to abandon exploration, you will likely walk away feeling closer emotionally, which is a win in my book. Consider Meeting with a Sex Therapist in Plymouth, MNIn summary, I hope that these thoughts work to start demystifying a widely practiced and enjoyed area of sexual exploration - have fun! If you aren't yet sure where to start or have more questions, consider talking with a professional about your values around anal sex. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT As a sex therapist near the Twin Cities, I often recommend using various forms of media and entertainment to help couples explore and enhance their sexual relationships. One of the most intriguing shows in recent years is Netflix’s "Bridgerton." Its blend of romance, scandal, and sensuality offers a perfect backdrop for couples looking for something new. Here are some tips on how to use "Bridgerton" to spice up your sex life!  1. Explore Historical Fantasies"Bridgerton" is set in the Regency era, a time of elaborate dresses, formal balls, and strict societal rules. This historical setting can be a great way to explore role-playing fantasies. You can go all out with dressing up in period costumes, using old-fashioned language, and creating a story where you and your partner are characters in a Regency romance. You can also choose just one of these aspects to dip your toes in the waters of role playing. Role-playing can help you step out of your everyday routine and possibly help with jump starting sexual desire. 2. Communication and Consent One of the key themes in "Bridgerton" is the importance of communication and consent. The characters often engage in candid discussions about their desires, boundaries, and expectations. Use this as an inspiration to have open conversations with your partner about your own sexual needs and boundaries. Clear communication is crucial for a healthy and satisfying sex life 3. Sensual SettingsThe show features many beautifully crafted settings that ooze sensuality, from lush gardens to opulent bedrooms. Take a cue from "Bridgerton" and create a romantic and sensual environment in your own home. Light some candles, play soft music, and decorate your space to make it feel special and inviting. A change in scenery can help set the mood for intimacy 4. The Power of Anticipation"Bridgerton" is masterful at building anticipation. The slow-burn romance between characters can be incredibly enticing and can teach us the value of anticipation in our own relationships. Try building up the anticipation with your partner through teasing texts, lingering touches, and prolonged eye contact. Drawing out the build-up can make the eventual intimacy even more exciting 5. Embrace Sensual Touch The show is filled with scenes that highlight the importance of touch and physical connection. Pay attention to how the characters use touch to convey their emotions and desires. In your relationship, focus on non-sexual touch to build intimacy and connection. Gentle caresses, massages, and hand-holding can enhance your bond and lead to more passionate encounters 6. Learn from the CharactersEach character in "Bridgerton" has a unique approach to love and intimacy. Take some time to discuss the characters with your partner and identify which ones you resonate with. Do you see yourself as the strong minded Penelope? Or maybe you are drawn to new experiences with your sexuality like Benedict. Discussing the characters can lead to a deeper understanding of your own desires and how you can bring more of those qualities into your relationship 7. Spice Up Your Language"Bridgerton" features eloquent and poetic language, which can be incredibly arousing. Experiment with using more descriptive and romantic language with your partner. Compliment them, express your desires, and share your fantasies in a way that feels both genuine and passionate. Words have the power to create a deeper emotional and physical connection 8. Playful CompetitionThe show often features playful banter and competitive interactions between characters. Introduce some playful competition into your relationship. Whether it’s through a game, a dance-off, or a friendly bet, a little competition can add fun and excitement to your dynamic, leading to a more vibrant and passionate connection Interested in Starting Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MN?"Bridgerton" offers a treasure trove of inspiration for couples looking to spice up their sex life. I suggest you go over this list with your partner(s) and see which one resonates with you to try first. Need to talk with someone? Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"See the full list here!
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, James Chadwick, MSW LICSW Admit it: if you haven’t had anal sex, you’ve thought about it. Maybe it excites you. Maybe it grosses you out. Maybe both. And that’s totally okay! The reality is that it is something that people of all sorts of genders and sexual orientations routinely enjoy, either with partners or solo. But, anal sex doesn’t just "happen"! If you’re basing butt stuff off of porn you’re bound to be sorely (literally!) disappointed. Fret not! With a few basic logistical and psychological pointers you’ll be an anal sex champ in no time!  The Prep for Anal Sex: So Fresh and So Clean! First, you need to get ready. There are physical and psychological components to this. If you’re new(er) to it, you may need to embrace the fact that you’re interacting with an origin of waste. There’s really not a delicate way to put this: shit happens, and it’s not the end of the world, or shouldn’t be. And, there are plenty of tried and tested methods for enhancing cleanliness and hygiene. Let’s get started! As my friend Frankie Goes to Hollywood says, relax! The sphincter is comprised of two core ring-like muscles, one that is more voluntarily controlled than the other. There are several ways to go about “warming these muscles up;” I would recommend a warm shower or bath at the very least. Some people insist on anal douching prior to anal play and truly, the more preoccupied you are with a mess, the more appealing this option likely is. Here are a few basics about anal douching and cleaning prior to anal sex: There are many ways to douche, each with its own pros and cons. Some people are most comfortable with a small “bulb” (typically of a material like latex, plastic, or silicone) that fills with water and can be inserted rectally. One of the benefits of bulbs is their versatility and portability. You’ll likely want warm water, neither too hot nor too cold. Once you’ve filled the bulb with warm water, insert it and squeeze the base to shoot the water out. It’s usually best to apply a medium amount of pressure here when squeezing; you don’t want to shoot too hard or you may make more of a mess than intended. Squeeze your sphincter for a few (maybe 5-10) seconds to hold the water in, then release. Repeat this process as needed or ideally until the water runs clear. If a bulb isn’t your jam, there are hose adaptations to connect to either your shower or your toilet. I would personally go with a toilet adaptation or some form of bidet. Yes, they’re a little more costly than a bulb but in my opinion “do a better job” and are more bang for your buck. Basically, the same cleaning process applies as with a bulb; again, be careful not to shoot the water too hard or too far. For an added measure of confidence, some folks will insert a dildo or vibrator after they have douched just to ensure that they have fully cleaned out. Deeper Dives Now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way I’m sure you’re itching to get started! Seriously, this is when things get fun. That said, you might be tempted to take on a large dildo or penis right off the bat. I would advise working up to this over time. As stated earlier, these are muscles like any other and it’s vital to train them. Many sex stores/retailers sell a series of “graduated” butt plugs that are excellent for the purpose of training yourself. (A butt plug is sort of like a small dildo). Always look for toys/insertables with flared bases - you don’t want to lose anything up there, and it does happen! Some folks also enjoy inserting fingers and some enjoy analingus or “rimming” (orally stimulating the anus). Clean up, communicate, try to address any (understandable) hangups you might have about this area of the body, and go to town! Wrapping Up So, now that you’ve jumped through these seemingly endless hoops, you’re ready at last! As I said before, anyone can enjoy anal activity. Some mistakenly believe it to be the sole purview of gay men, or that doing it as a male will somehow “turn you gay.” This is an unfortunate distortion that I strive to rectify. I will say that if you are having anal sex that involves a penis, it is wise to use a condom, particularly in a casual setting, to reduce the risk of STI transmission. Many folks that engage in anal sex, especially receptive anal sex, take the medication PReP (Truvada or Descovy) to reduce the risk of HIV transmission. While this is a fantastic preventative measure, it does not account for other sexually transmitted infections. Though DoxyPeP (antibiotics like doxycycline) is increasingly being used as a prophylactic against other STIs (e.g. gonorrhea and chlamydia), it’s always a good idea to communicate safer sex practices and needs to partners, especially new ones. Use lots of lube (silicone-based can be enjoyable but can stain sheets and erode silicone toys so you may want to opt for water-based) and have fun! For further reading (more from a gay male perspective) check out “How to Bottom Like a Porn Star” by Woody Miller or for a more light-hearted approach to pegging (the practice of anal sex via a strap-on dildo), check out the pegging episode (“Knockoffs”) of the Comedy Central hit “Broad City” (streaming on Hulu as well). Consider Meeting with a Sex Therapist in Plymouth, MNListen to your body above all else. If you’re new to all this, you might experience some (manageable) discomfort. If pain is more acute, it may be an indication to slow down and prepare a bit more. As with so many things sexual, an open and relaxed mind is your key to fulfillment. So disinhibit a little (within reason) and enjoy yourself! If you aren't yet sure where to start or have more questions, consider talking with a professional about your values around anal sex. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"See the full list here!
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, Josalin Brausen, Masters Intern Therapist Have you been led to believe that pain with sex is normal, or that sex is supposed to hurt? If so, you’re definitely not alone, but I am here to tell you that painful sex is NOT normal and should NOT be tolerated. Yet, pain with sex is incredibly common, and up to 40% of those who experience this do not seek out medical care. In this blog, I am going to break down what exactly painful sex is for vulva owners, what can cause it, and what can be done about it. Just a brief clarification before we get started - pain with sex is very broad and complicated in nature and can present differently from person to person. If you are experiencing any kind of pain with sex, I hope this blog post gives you some confidence to do something about it and take back your sex life, because you deserve a satisfying and pleasurable sex life if you want one. Terminology Breakdown Regarding Painful Sex |