How Chronic Stress Impacts Emotional Safety, Relationships, and the Body (And How Therapy Can Help)1/14/2026 Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT  Right now in Minnesota, many people are living with increased fear, uncertainty, and emotional strain within their communities. When safety feels less predictable, the nervous system naturally becomes more alert. This heightened awareness can affect how people feel not only individually but also within relationships. At the same time, many people are doing their best to support one another. Partners are checking in more often. Families are staying close. Neighbors are offering help, sharing resources, and watching out for each other. This care comes from compassion, yet it also asks the nervous system to remain constantly attentive and ready to respond. Even when support is given with love, sustained concern can be physically and emotionally taxing. For many adults and couples across the Twin Cities area, this ongoing stress is not just emotional. It begins to show up in the body and in relationships. When Stress Moves From the Mind Into the Body The nervous system is designed to respond to danger and return to calm once safety is restored. When stress continues over time, the body may stay in protection mode. This can lead to physical experiences such as: • Muscle tension and chronic discomfort • Digestive changes • Fatigue and low energy • Tingling or numb sensations • Headaches and jaw clenching • Difficulty sleeping • Shifts in sexual desire or arousal These responses are common during prolonged stress, anxiety, trauma, and burnout. They are not signs of weakness. They are the body’s attempt to cope with ongoing pressure. How Chronic Stress Affects Emotional and Sexual ConnectionWhen the nervous system is in high alert, it becomes harder to relax, feel present, and connect deeply with others. Many couples notice: • Increased irritability or emotional distance • Trouble feeling safe enough to open up • Decreased libido or sexual discomfort • Difficulty staying engaged during intimacy • More frequent conflict or withdrawal This does not mean something is wrong with the relationship. It often means the body is prioritizing protection over connection. When stress levels are high, the nervous system focuses on survival first. Why Your Body and Relationships May Feel Stuck in Stress ModeEven when people recognize they are under stress and try to slow down, the body does not always follow right away. When the nervous system has been working in high alert for an extended period of time, it can begin responding automatically. Muscles remain tense. Breathing becomes shallow. Emotional reactions feel stronger. The body continues scanning for danger even in moments of safety. This is a normal biological response to prolonged stress, anxiety, and trauma. Therapy helps retrain the nervous system to recognize safety again so both the body and relationships can relax and reconnect. Burnout and Its Impact on Intimacy and Emotional HealthBurnout often shows up as more than exhaustion. It can include: • Emotional numbness or overwhelm • Physical heaviness and fatigue • Trouble focusing • Loss of desire or pleasure • Increased anxiety • Withdrawal from connection When burnout is present, emotional and sexual closeness often become harder to access. Support can help restore balance, energy, and connection. How Sex and Relationship Therapy Supports Nervous System HealingAt Sexual Wellness Institute, we work with individuals and couples experiencing the effects of chronic stress on both the body and relationships. Therapy often focuses on: • Calming the nervous system • Increasing emotional safety • Processing stress and trauma • Improving communication and boundaries • Rebuilding intimacy and connection • Reducing shame around physical and emotional responses As the nervous system becomes more regulated, many people notice improvements in physical comfort, emotional closeness, and sexual well-being. How to Actually Help Your Body Relax When You Feel On EdgeWhen stress has been present for a long time, the body often needs more than rest to truly calm down. Nervous system regulation focuses on helping your body recognize safety again. Some gentle ways to begin supporting relaxation include: • Slowing the breath by extending the exhale (for example, inhale for four seconds and exhale for six) • Placing one hand on your chest and one on your belly to bring awareness to breathing and grounding • Gently stretching tight areas such as the neck, shoulders, jaw, and hips • Spending time in environments that feel safe and calming, such as nature or quiet spaces • Reducing constant exposure to stressful news and social media when possible • Practicing brief body scans to notice and release tension These tools can help lower immediate tension, but deeper stress patterns often need support to fully reset. Therapy works at a nervous system level to create longer-lasting relief and emotional safety. When to Consider Therapy in MinnesotaYou may benefit from therapy if you notice: ✔ Ongoing stress affecting your body or mood ✔ Emotional distance in your relationship ✔ Changes in desire or intimacy ✔ Anxiety that feels constant ✔ Burnout or overwhelm ✔ Difficulty relaxing or feeling present Support can help before patterns become deeply ingrained. Sex and Relationship Therapy in Plymouth and the Twin CitiesSexual Wellness Institute offers specialized sex therapy and relationship therapy for individuals and couples throughout Plymouth, Minneapolis, and surrounding Minnesota communities. We support concerns, including: • Stress-related sexual difficulties • Anxiety and burnout • Trauma-informed care • Relationship conflict • Emotional disconnection • Mind-body symptoms Our work is compassionate, evidence-informed, and focused on meaningful change. These are heavy times for many in our community. Feeling on edge, tired, emotional, or physically uncomfortable is not a sign of weakness. It is a normal response to ongoing stress and uncertainty. Your body is doing its best to protect you. With support, your nervous system can learn to settle again. Healing does not mean ignoring what is happening around you. It means giving your body the care it needs to feel safer and more grounded within it. You do not have to carry this alone. Therapy can help. To get started, simply:
About the Author: Minnesota Therapist Amanda Holmberg Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sex therapist, and AAMFT-Approved Supervisor with more than 15 years of experience specializing in sex and relationship therapy. She is the founder of Sexual Wellness Institute and Radiant Living Therapy, where she helps individuals and couples address sexual concerns, intimacy challenges, and relationship dynamics in a stigma-free and trauma-aware environment. Amanda also provides training and supervision for therapists, creating tools and resources to strengthen supervision and clinical skills for therapists. Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. 
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Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT  Many people come to sex therapy worried that low desire means something is wrong with them or that their relationship is broken. It often feels permanent. Like a verdict. Like this is just how things are now. But low sexual desire is very often a state, not a trait. It is responsive, contextual, and shaped by what your body, nervous system, and relationship are navigating right now. For many people, low desire is not a diagnosis, and it is not a life sentence. It is a season. This does not mean it is easy or that it should be ignored. Low desire can be painful, confusing, and disruptive to relationships. But understanding it as temporary and meaningful rather than defective can reduce shame and open the door to change. When Desire Goes Quiet, It Is Often Communicating Something Sexual desire does not exist in a vacuum. It responds to stress, safety, emotional connection, physical health, and internal pressure. When desire goes quiet, it is often a signal that something in your system needs attention, not force. Below are some of the most common reasons we see desire shift in therapy. None of these means you are broken. 1. Your Nervous System Is in Protection Mode. Chronic stress, burnout, anxiety, and overwhelm all suppress sexual desire. When your nervous system is focused on getting through the day, intimacy can feel like one more demand rather than a source of nourishment. This is especially common for high-functioning, caregiving, or emotionally responsible people. Desire often returns when the nervous system experiences more safety, rest, and regulation. 2. Your Body Is Prioritizing Something Else Illness, sleep disruption, hormonal changes, pain, medication effects, and recovery periods all affect libido. Your body may temporarily divert energy away from sexual desire in order to support healing or stability. This does not mean desire is gone forever. It means your body is responding intelligently to current conditions. 3. Desire Is Responding to Relationship Dynamics, Not Attraction Many people assume low desire means they are no longer attracted to their partner. In reality, desire is highly sensitive to emotional safety, unresolved conflict, resentment, power dynamics, and unspoken tension. You can deeply love your partner and still experience low desire if the relational context feels strained or disconnected. Addressing the relationship often changes the sexual dynamic. 4. Sex Has Become Effortful Instead of Nourishing When sex becomes associated with pressure, expectations, performance, or obligation, desire often fades. Over time, your body may learn that sex requires effort without enough return. Desire is more likely to show up when sex feels optional, collaborative, and emotionally safe rather than something you have to push through. 5. Past Experiences Are Showing Up Quietly Trauma, sexual shame, boundary violations, or negative experiences do not always appear as obvious distress. Sometimes they show up as avoidance, numbness, or lack of interest. Low desire can be a subtle protective response. Therapy helps people understand and work with these responses rather than override them. 6. You Have Outgrown an Old Version of Your Sexuality Life transitions like aging, parenthood, identity shifts, grief, or personal growth can change what desire needs. What worked before may no longer fit. This does not mean sexuality is lost. It often means it is evolving and asking for different conditions, language, or pacing. 7. Desire Is Asking for Different Conditions, Not Disappearance Low desire does not always mean less desire. Sometimes it means desire needs more emotional presence, novelty, autonomy, safety, or intentional connection. When those conditions shift, desire often shifts with them. Low Desire Is Information, Not a Life SentenceOne of the most harmful beliefs about low desire is that it defines who you are or predicts the future of your relationship. In reality, desire has rhythms. It rises and falls in response to context. Understanding low desire as information allows you to ask better questions. What has changed? What feels heavy? What feels unsafe or exhausting? What might my body be responding to right now? This perspective does not minimize pain. It creates possibility. What Sex Therapy Focuses On InsteadSex therapy is not about convincing yourself to want sex or forcing desire to return. It focuses on understanding what this season of low desire is about and addressing the underlying factors contributing to it. In therapy, we work with the body, nervous system, and relationship rather than against them. We focus on rebuilding conditions for desire instead of chasing outcomes or labels. For many people, low desire shifts when pressure decreases, emotional safety increases, and sexuality is allowed to be responsive rather than performative. Finding Support with a Minnesota Sex Therapist in This ChapterIf you are in a season of low desire, you are not defective, and you are not doomed. This may be a chapter, not the whole story. If you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move forward, sex therapy can help you understand what your desire needs rather than judge its absence. You do not have to navigate this season alone. At Sexual Wellness Institute, we support individuals and couples in creating fulfilling, connected, and authentic sexual relationships. There is no perfect number of times to have sex. What matters most is that your sex life supports your relationship and your overall well-being. To get started, simply:
About the Author Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sex therapist, and AAMFT-Approved Supervisor with more than 15 years of experience specializing in sex and relationship therapy. She is the founder of Sexual Wellness Institute and Radiant Living Therapy, where she helps individuals and couples address sexual concerns, intimacy challenges, and relationship dynamics in a stigma-free and trauma-aware environment. Amanda also provides training and supervision for therapists, creating tools and resources to strengthen supervision and clinical skills for therapists. Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.  Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT  GLP-1 medications like Zepbound, Wegovy, and Ozempic are creating meaningful changes for many people in their health, energy, and well-being. These shifts can also influence relationships, especially when one partner is taking a GLP-1 and the other is not. People often describe feeling more energized, more confident, and more comfortable in their bodies. Others notice temporary challenges that take some adjusting. For couples, it is normal to feel moments of closeness as well as moments of uncertainty as things change. None of this means anything is wrong with your connection. It simply means your relationship is adapting. When one partner’s body or daily rhythms shift, the relationship shifts with it. This article explores how these changes may show up and how couples can stay emotionally and sexually connected while honoring both partners’ experiences. How GLP-1s Can Change One Partner’s ExperienceEveryone responds differently to GLP-1 medications, and all responses are valid. Many people notice some combination of physical, emotional, and sexual changes, and these experiences can be positive, neutral, or simply different than before. Physical Changes Some people experience changes in appetite, shifts in fullness cues, nausea, digestive changes, or different levels of energy. Others feel more comfortable moving their bodies or notice that certain foods no longer feel supportive. These shifts can influence routines, social plans, or mealtime patterns. None of these changes reflects discipline or failure. They simply reflect the body adjusting. Emotional Changes People sometimes feel lighter, more hopeful, or more at ease in their bodies. Others feel more vulnerable or tender as they adjust to changes they did not expect. It is common to feel proud, nervous, excited, or unsure all at once. All of these reactions deserve compassion. Sexual Changes Desire, arousal, and comfort can change for various reasons. Some people feel more confident and open to intimacy. Others experience a temporary decrease in desire if they are tired or not feeling their best. Libido may fluctuate throughout the week or month. These patterns often make more sense to both partners when they are discussed gently and without shame. The Issue of Uneven Bodily Change Relationships grow and shift over time. When one partner experiences noticeable changes, the other partner may feel like the rhythms of the relationship are different. This does not mean you are growing apart. It simply means you are growing through something. Common experiences include: Mismatched Energy One partner may feel newly energized or motivated to move more, while the other prefers to rest or unwind. Both experiences are valid. The key is finding ways to stay connected without pressuring either person to change their natural pace. Shifts in Body Image Changes in body comfort or self-perception can bring up a range of emotions for both partners. The partner on a GLP-1 may feel more at home in their body, or they may feel self-conscious about changes that are happening quickly. They may worry about how their partner feels or fear being misunderstood. The partner not on a GLP-1 may compare themselves, feel insecure, or wonder how the relationship will evolve. These experiences reflect vulnerability and care about the relationship, not superficiality. Food and Eating Dynamics Food often plays a meaningful role in relationships through shared meals, celebrations, and rituals. When one person’s food patterns change, it can shift how couples plan meals or spend time together. Partners may experience:
What the Non-GLP-1 Partner May FeelThe partner not taking medication might notice:
What the GLP-1 Partner May FeelThe partner taking the medication might experience:
How Couples Stay Emotionally Connected1. Name the transition Acknowledging the change brings relief. Example: “This is new for both of us, and we are learning our way through it together.” This helps you both look at the transition as a team, instead of separately 2. Find connection outside of food When eating patterns shift, it helps to create new or expanded rituals of closeness. Examples: gentle walks, reading together, shared playlists or shows, taking a drive, cuddling, or exploring new hobbies. 3. Hold weekly check-ins A short, intentional conversation helps couples stay aligned. Try questions like:
You do not have to fully understand the insecurity to honor it. Examples:
Working Together to Decide Which Changes to Share and Which to Keep SeparateSome couples find that they naturally start shifting certain habits together once one partner begins GLP-1 treatment. Others prefer to keep routines separate. There is no correct approach. What matters most is that the decisions are collaborative rather than assumed. Instead of automatically adopting the same habits or avoiding them altogether, couples can explore questions like:
Staying Sexually Connected During Change Sexual patterns often shift, and couples tend to navigate these changes best when they talk about them gently and openly. Normalize all types of desire More desire, less desire, or different desire is all normal. You are responding to your body, not rejecting your partner. Create a connection menu Include a range of options that nurture closeness without requiring full sexual energy:
Adjust timing Evenings may be difficult for some people on GLP-1s because of nausea or fatigue. Morning intimacy or weekend connection might feel easier and more enjoyable. Offer reassurance Simple statements like “I am still attracted to you,” “Your body feels good to me,” or “I want us to stay close” can ease fears and create space for intimacy to return naturally. When to Consider Couples or Sex Therapy in MinnesotaTherapy can help when couples notice:
About the Author: Sex Therapist Amanda Holmberg Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sex therapist, and AAMFT-Approved Supervisor with more than 15 years of experience specializing in sex and relationship therapy. She is the founder of Sexual Wellness Institute and Radiant Living Therapy, where she helps individuals and couples address sexual concerns, intimacy challenges, and relationship dynamics in a stigma-free and trauma-aware environment. Amanda also provides training and supervision for therapists, creating tools and resources to strengthen supervision and clinical skills for therapists. Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.  Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT  When someone begins a GLP-1 medication like semaglutide or tirzepatide, they usually expect changes in their body, appetite, or other health markers. What many do not expect is that these shifts can also influence sexual desire, confidence in the body, and intimacy within relationships. This post explores how body changes relate to desire, what current research suggests, and how to nurture confidence and pleasure when things feel different. It is important to emphasize that changes in desire or sexual well-being are not universal. For some people, GLP-1s enhance confidence and energy. For others, they can bring temporary disconnection or new vulnerabilities. If sexual changes occur, they can often be addressed directly, just as they would be with any other medication that affects libido.
The Relationship Between Body Experience and Sexual DesireBody Image as a Key Factor How someone feels about their body strongly influences sexual function and satisfaction. Feeling at ease, confident, and self-accepting can make it easier to access desire and pleasure. As the body changes, it can take time to feel fully at home again. Reconnecting with how the body feels, rather than how it looks, often helps desire grow naturally. What the Research Says About GLP-1s and Sexual FunctionCurrent research on GLP-1 medications and sexual functioning is mixed. Some people notice improvements in confidence or sexual energy, while others report a temporary decrease in desire or arousal. The science is still developing, and results vary widely from person to person. Like with any medication that impacts sexual functioning, each contributing factor can be explored and treated. Talk with your doctor about any changes you notice in desire, arousal, or comfort. Some of these issues can be addressed medically, whether through adjusting timing, managing side effects, or supporting hormone balance. Therapy can also help address the psychological or relational aspects that often accompany physical change. With a collaborative approach, many people are able to restore a sense of connection and pleasure. Strategies to Cultivate Confidence and Support Desire 1. Normalize the Possibility and Address It Directly Recognize that changes in sexual desire can happen for many reasons, including medication. If you notice a shift, talk openly with your provider and your therapist. Often, a combination of medical and emotional support helps you feel more grounded and confident. 2. Reconnect with Your Body Gentle movement, touch, or mindfulness can rebuild familiarity. Practices such as stretching, yoga, or body scanning can help you feel more connected and present. When you begin to experience your body as capable and alive, confidence often follows. 3. Notice Positive Changes in the Body As you reconnect, notice what feels better or easier now. You might have steadier energy, less bloating, or greater emotional balance. These shifts are worth recognizing. Gratitude for small improvements can strengthen trust in your body and make pleasure easier to access. 4. Explore Sensation Focus on physical sensations without pressure for performance. Pay attention to areas of your body that you appreciate or feel stronger in, such as your legs, arms, or breath. Allow curiosity about how sensations feel different now. Pleasure can grow from self-appreciation and respect for what your body can do. 5. Communicate with Partners Share what feels good, what feels different, or what feels off-limits for now. Honest, kind communication reduces pressure and increases closeness. Partners who understand what is happening can meet you with empathy and care. 6. Seek Professional Support A sex therapist can help you identify the emotional, relational, and psychological factors that influence desire. Therapy can provide a supportive space to talk through changes and develop tools for reconnecting with your body and your partner. 7. Expand Definitions of Pleasure Pleasure does not have to be sexual to matter. Enjoying music, creativity, laughter, or time in nature strengthens your capacity for joy and self-connection, which supports sexual wellbeing too. 8. Practice Patience and Self-Compassion Desire naturally fluctuates. It may take time to adjust to changes in your body or energy. Being gentle with yourself makes it easier for curiosity and pleasure to return. Reclaiming ConnectionSexuality is an evolving part of health, not a fixed trait. As your body changes, the relationship you have with yourself may shift, too. GLP-1s can bring more comfort and vitality, or they may create moments of unfamiliarity. Both experiences are valid. What matters most is staying curious about your body’s cues and allowing yourself to rediscover pleasure in ways that feel safe, real, and uniquely your own. Key Takeaways About GLP-1 Medications, Sexual Desire, and Body Image
Series NoteThis post is the second in a three-part series on GLP-1s, body confidence, and intimacy. The next article will explore how relationships can shift when one partner is taking a GLP-1 and the other is not, and how couples can stay emotionally and sexually connected through change. Consider Sex Therapy Near Minneapolis, MNAt Sexual Wellness Institute, we support anyone who would like help in exploring intimacy with compassion and without shame. Whether you are navigating body changes, desire shifts, or relationship dynamics while on a GLP-1, our therapists can help you strengthen both your confidence and your connection. To get started, simply:
About the Author: Sex Therapist Amanda Holmberg Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sex therapist, and AAMFT-Approved Supervisor with more than 15 years of experience specializing in sex and relationship therapy. She is the founder of Sexual Wellness Institute and Radiant Living Therapy, where she helps individuals and couples address sexual concerns, intimacy challenges, and relationship dynamics in a stigma-free and trauma-aware environment. Amanda also provides training and supervision for therapists, creating tools and resources to strengthen supervision and clinical skills for therapists. Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.  References:
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT  GLP-1 medications such as semaglutide and tirzepatide are often prescribed for diabetes care and metabolic health, and sometimes for changes in appetite and body size. What is rarely talked about is how these medications affect deeply personal areas of life, including body confidence, sexual desire, and intimacy. Not everyone who takes a GLP-1 is focused on weight, and changes in sexual wellbeing are not tied to a specific body size. Instead, they reflect how people experience themselves, their relationships, and their sense of confidence. Why We’re Not Talking About It There are several reasons sexuality often gets left out of the GLP-1 conversation:
What Women Are ExperiencingEvery person’s story is different, and experiences go beyond simple “good” or “bad” outcomes:
The key takeaway: sexuality is not determined by body size but by how someone relates to their body and their partner. Why This Conversation MattersIf GLP-1s do affect your sex life, it does not mean intimacy is lost. It may simply require addressing sexuality more intentionally, just as we would if another medication influenced desire. Many treatments, including antidepressants and hormonal therapies, can affect sexual functioning. With support, adjustments, or new strategies, people often find ways to reconnect with intimacy. At Sexual Wellness Institute, we believe that speaking openly about sexuality helps reduce shame and affirms that every experience, whether it’s gaining confidence, noticing a dip in desire, or experiencing no change at all, is valid. How to Start Talking About It
Moving Forward with GLP-1s and SexualityGLP-1s are reshaping health for many people, and sexuality is part of that story. Research shows that some feel more confident and curious about intimacy, while others notice new insecurities or shifts in desire. What matters is not the scale, but how people experience connection, pleasure, and self-acceptance. If you are noticing changes in your confidence, desire, or intimacy while taking a GLP-1, you are not alone. These experiences are important, and support is available. Series Note: More GLP-1 Information to ComeThis post is the first in a three-part series on GLP-1s, body confidence, and intimacy. In the next installment, we will look at how body changes influence sexual desire and explore ways to cultivate confidence in this new chapter. In the final part, I will give tangible ways to address desire, arousal, or any other unwanted changes with sexual intimacy due to a GLP-1. Consider Sex Therapy Near Minneapolis, MNAt Sexual Wellness Institute, we support anyone who would like help in exploring intimacy with compassion and without shame. Whether you are navigating body changes, desire shifts, or relationship dynamics while on a GLP-1, our therapists can help you strengthen both your confidence and your connection. To get started, simply:
About the Author: Sex Therapist Amanda Holmberg Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sex therapist, and AAMFT-Approved Supervisor with more than 15 years of experience specializing in sex and relationship therapy. She is the founder of Sexual Wellness Institute and Radiant Living Therapy, where she helps individuals and couples address sexual concerns, intimacy challenges, and relationship dynamics in a stigma-free and trauma-aware environment. Amanda also provides training and supervision for therapists, creating tools and resources to strengthen supervision and clinical skills for therapists. Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.  Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT  Feeling shame about sex is more common than many people realize. Messages we receive about sexuality, whether from family, culture, religion, or past relationships, can shape the way we see ourselves. For some, those messages turn into painful beliefs like:
Shame doesn’t just live in the mind. It can feel heavy in the body, trigger anxiety in relationships, and keep people from fully connecting with themselves or their partners. Even when you know logically that you’re not broken, the emotional weight of the past can still linger. This is where Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy can help. EMDR offers a structured, evidence-based way to release shame at its roots and replace it with healthier, more compassionate beliefs about sexuality, intimacy, and self-worth. What Is EMDR Therapy?EMDR is a research-backed therapy originally developed to help people heal from trauma. Instead of only talking about past experiences, EMDR helps your brain reprocess memories that are “stuck.” Using bilateral stimulation (such as guided eye movements, sounds, or tapping), your therapist guides you in safely revisiting difficult memories while forming new, healthier associations. Over time, this process allows you to release the emotional weight of old experiences and create and internalize more supportive beliefs about yourself. How EMDR Helps with Sexual Shame Sexual shame often isn’t just about what’s happening today. It is usually tied to the past. For example:
Benefits of EMDR for Sexual WellnessClients who use EMDR to address sexual shame often notice:
Frequently Asked Questions About EMDR and Sexual Shame Can EMDR really help with sexual shame? Yes. Research shows that EMDR is highly effective for trauma, and sexual shame often has its roots in past traumatic or shaming experiences. By reprocessing those memories, clients often experience lasting relief from shame-based thinking. This allows them to experience sexual intimacy in pleasure in a deeper and more fulfilling way. Is EMDR only for trauma survivors, or can it help with general sexual shame? Some people seek EMDR for a specific traumatic event, but others use it to address years of shame or negative messages about sexuality. You do not need to identify a “big T” trauma to benefit. What if I feel uncomfortable talking about sex in therapy? That’s very common. EMDR allows you to focus on the feelings and beliefs connected to memories rather than needing to share every detail. You and your therapist will move at a pace that feels safe. Does EMDR erase memories? No. EMDR does not erase memories, it changes the way the brain stores and responds to them. The memory may still exist, but the distress, shame, or negative self-beliefs attached to it lose their power. Can EMDR help if I’m in a relationship and struggling with intimacy? Yes. Many clients find that as their shame decreases, they feel more open, connected, and confident with their partner. EMDR can be combined with couples therapy to strengthen intimacy. Consider EMDR Therapy Near Minneapolis, MNIf sexual shame or painful past experiences are holding you back, EMDR therapy offers a practical and effective way to let go of the past and move toward a healthier relationship with yourself and your sexuality. Our EMDR-trained therapists in Plymouth and Minneapolis provide a supportive space for healing so you can move forward with less shame and enjoyable sexual experiences. At Sexual Wellness Institute, we support individuals and couples in creating fulfilling, connected, and authentic sexual relationships. To get started, simply:
About the Author: Sex Therapist Amanda Holmberg Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sex therapist, and AAMFT-Approved Supervisor with more than 15 years of experience specializing in sex and relationship therapy. She is the founder of Sexual Wellness Institute and Radiant Living Therapy, where she helps individuals and couples address sexual concerns, intimacy challenges, and relationship dynamics in a stigma-free and trauma-aware environment. Amanda also provides training and supervision for therapists, creating tools and resources to strengthen supervision and clinical skills for therapists. Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.  Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, Christina Kostopoulos, MS Ed, NCC Has Sexual Trauma Been Hard for You to Hold? Talking about the details of sexual trauma is not always helpful or even possible. You may not have a single clear memory to point to, yet still experience painful and confusing symptoms, especially around intimacy and sex. In these situations, traditional talk therapy can feel limited. Trauma is not only about what happened. It is about how the experience made you feel and how your body responded in order to survive. The impact often lives in the nervous system, beyond what words can fully express. This is why approaches like Brainspotting can be so effective for healing sexual trauma. What Is Brainspotting?Brainspotting is a type of therapy that uses identifying and maintaining eye positions to help folks process and release emotional, physical, and subconscious pain from trauma. The therapist will guide you through different eye positions, potentially with the use of a pointer and/or bilateral music. A “brainspot” is the source of activation where your body and mind is holding onto a traumatic response. Through the safe environment of the therapy relationship, brainspotting helps identify those spots and safely process the emotional and physical weight of that source of pain.  Why Brainspotting Supports Deeper Healing for Sexual TraumaSexual trauma runs deep, as you may already feel in your body. Brainspotting reaches places that traditional talk therapy often cannot, helping you gently access and process what has been stored beneath the surface. Sexual trauma can disrupt your sense of safety, consent, and connection to your body. In a supportive therapeutic space, Brainspotting offers the opportunity to repair both emotional and physical wounds. The brainspot is the place in the body where the weight of trauma is held. By focusing on that spot, Brainspotting allows your body to safely connect with what once felt overwhelming, in a way that honors your readiness and resilience. What to Expect in a Brainspotting Session It is common to feel tired after a Brainspotting session. This is a natural response to the somatic processing that takes place, especially when working with trauma. It is encouraged to give yourself time after your session to rest and tune in to what your body needs. At the beginning of the session, your therapist will observe your natural eye movements to help identify points of activation. These points are used to locate brainspots, which are areas that hold stored emotional or physical tension. Before engaging with these spots, your therapist will emphasize safety, consent, and emotional readiness. Accessing brainspots can bring up sensations of anxiety or discomfort, which is also a normal part of the process. Throughout the session, your therapist will remain present and attuned, helping you stay grounded and making sure you are settled before you leave the session. Begin Brainspotting Therapy in Plymouth, MNTaking the first step toward healing—especially when exploring something as powerful and new as Brainspotting—can feel both hopeful and a little intimidating. At Sexual Wellness Institute, we recognize the courage it takes to prioritize your own well-being, especially if you’re carrying the weight of past stress or trauma. Our therapists are here to walk alongside you at every stage, providing a supportive, nonjudgmental environment where you can process at your own pace and reconnect with your body’s natural resilience. Whenever you’re ready, we’re here to help you move forward with compassion and care.
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.  Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT If you’ve ever wondered whether you and your partner are having sex “often enough,” you’re not alone. One of the most common questions couples ask is, "how often do most couples have sex?" This post is going to explore that question, and provide some professional guidance from a sex therapist near Minneapolis, MN. How often do most couples have sex? While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, it can be helpful to understand what’s typical and when a change in frequency might be a sign that something needs attention. In this post, we’ll share what research tells us about sexual frequency, what factors influence how often couples are intimate, and how to tell if it might be time to talk with your partner about what is or is not working in your sex life. We also want to clarify something that often gets overlooked. When people ask how often couples "have sex," they are usually thinking about intercourse. But there are many ways to experience physical and emotional intimacy. Expanding your definition of sex can help you develop a more satisfying and connected relationship. What Counts as “Having Sex”?Many people focus on how often they have intercourse, but that is only one form of sexual connection. Kissing, sensual touch, mutual masturbation, oral sex, and other forms of intimate physical contact can all be meaningful ways to bond with your partner. By broadening your view of what counts as sex, you may realize that you are connecting more than you thought. You may also feel less pressure and more freedom to define intimacy in a way that works for both of you.  What Is the Average Amount of Sex Couples Have Each Week?While every couple is different, research offers some general guidelines:
What Really Matters Is Whether It Works for YouRather than comparing yourself to what other couples are doing, it helps to ask:
Why Does Sexual Frequency Change? It is completely normal for sexual frequency and desire to shift over the course of a relationship. Some common influences include:
What If One Partner Wants More Sex Than the Other?Differences in desire are one of the most common reasons couples seek therapy. These differences do not mean your relationship is broken. Often, they are a sign that something needs to be explored more deeply with curiosity and compassion. Couples or sex therapy can help you:
When Should You Consider Sex Therapy?If sex has become a source of tension, disconnection, or confusion in your relationship, sex therapy can help. You do not need to be in crisis to benefit from support. In fact, many couples find that addressing intimacy concerns early can prevent deeper challenges down the road. At Sexual Wellness Institute, we support individuals and couples in creating fulfilling, connected, and authentic sexual relationships. There is no perfect number of times to have sex. What matters most is that your sex life supports your relationship and your overall well-being. To get started, simply:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.  Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT Considering sex therapy? If you’re reading this, you might be feeling anxious, hopeful, uncertain, or even skeptical about what sex therapy actually involves. That’s completely normal. You might wonder how much we are going to talk about sex, what it involves, how long it’ll take, etc. So let me answer some common questions or concerns about starting sex therapy. So, what exactly is sex therapy? First, let me say, sex therapy is just like regular therapy. The big difference is that you are coming with a more specific sexual concern to a therapist who not only has the basic training of a mental health professional, but also additional training in sex and intimacy. There is no touching involved with sex therapy. Instead, we explore the psychological, relational, emotional, and sometimes medical aspects that might be impacting your sexual experience. Whether you're dealing with desire discrepancies, erectile challenges, painful sex, lack of orgasm, sexual trauma, out-of-control sexual behaviors, or exploring aspects of identity, orientation, or kink--sex therapy is a place where those topics are not only welcome, but invited. What happens in the first session? The first session is all about hearing from you. We want to know what is bringing you in and what your goals for therapy are. We want to respect that your time, energy, and money are something to be honored. We want to make this a place where you feel safe and like you are going to get the help you need. While we want to be goal-oriented and help you address your concerns, we also want to understand your history. We want to know a bit about your childhood, the communities you were raised in, past sexual experiences, past psychiatric and medical history, any trauma that has occurred, and anything you feel is important to tell us. This can sometimes take a session or two- but don’t worry, as we go along, we will tell you exactly why we are asking certain questions and help you connect with how past experiences might be impacting your current sex life. Will we talk about sex in detail?Yes—when you're ready. We’ll use real language about real bodies and experiences. That said, how we talk about sex will always honor your comfort level, your values, and your cultural context. Details are important, and they can often be difficult to discuss due to the shame around sex in our culture. Many clients find that simply talking about sex, sexuality, and intimacy in a nonjudgmental space does wonders for any sexual issues they might be coming in with. How long does it take?That depends. Some people come for just a few sessions to work through a specific concern. Others engage in longer-term therapy, especially if the issues are rooted in longstanding patterns or trauma. There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline—progress is not linear, and growth is not rushed here. Will I get homework?We will decide if homework is helpful for you and your specific concerns. Engaging in work outside of the therapy room often speeds up the process of getting where you want to be. We might suggest books, podcasts, or guided exercises for you to explore between sessions. This might include self-reflection prompts, partnered communication practices, or sensate focus exercises (a non-demand touch-based series of steps to rebuild connection with sensation and desire). All "homework" is collaborative, never mandatory. What If My Sexuality, Gender, or Culture Has Been Ignored Elsewhere? You deserve a therapist who respects your full humanity. That means honoring your pronouns, affirming your relationships (whether monogamous or non-monogamous), understanding cultural nuance, and not making assumptions based on how you look, love, or live. Inclusive sex therapy means recognizing how systems of oppression—racism, ableism, fatphobia, heteronormativity, cissexism—can impact our sexual development and experiences. It means not asking you to leave pieces of yourself outside the room. Consider Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MNSexuality is a deeply personal, ever-evolving part of who we are. When something feels off or painful in that area, it can make other parts of our identity or relationship feel extra hard. If you aren’t sure if sex therapy is right for you, we invite you to have a completely free 30-minute consultation with one of our therapists. During this meeting, you can ask anything you want about the process and ensure a good fit with your sex therapist. We look forward to meeting with you! Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.  Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT Let’s be honest: it’s not uncommon to hit a point in a relationship where sex just...stops happening. Maybe it’s been weeks, months, or even years. Maybe it fizzled slowly or dropped off suddenly. You’re likely way too burnt out with life to deal with this right now and would prefer to keep avoiding it. If you’re thinking, “Yes, this is me,” we want you to know: that’s okay. Really. We understand that adult life, with all its responsibilities, doesn’t exactly create great context and conditions for intimacy. Instead, the stress of it all can often create low libido.  Let’s Talk About Avoidance—With CompassionNot wanting to deal with it doesn’t mean you don’t care. In fact, avoidance is often a form of self-protection. Maybe you’re afraid that talking about it will lead to more issues. Maybe the idea of “fixing” your sex life feels overwhelming on top of everything else you’re juggling with work, kids, caregiving, burnout, or just trying to get through the week. Or maybe, if you’re honest, you don’t miss it much. That’s fair and understandable. We may not miss it because we are way too stressed to think about the work it would take to get things going again. Or maybe it was never really that great in the first place. Your lack of desire might be temporary, situational, or enduring. What matters most is: how is the absence of sex affecting you (and your relationship, if you’re in one)? Is it causing distress? Creating disconnection? Stirring up resentment or insecurity? Or is it just a quiet silence no one knows how to name? Avoiding the conversation might bring temporary relief, but over time, it often builds distance, confusion, or assumptions that never get clarified. That’s where sex therapy can help. We don’t have to put pressure on goals or performance, but we can provide support and a space to name what’s going on. Why Does Sex Stop? There are so many reasons sex might stop in a relationship. Often, it’s a combination of at least a few things. Here are some more common reasons:
What If I Don’t Want to Want Sex Right Now?That’s okay. Desire is complex. It’s responsive, relational, emotional, physical, and psychological. If the idea of reigniting a sex life feels more like a chore than a curiosity, we get it. We know better than to ask you, “What turns you on? Or “What do you like?” If you knew the answers to those questions, you might not be here. It might help to ask:
 What If My Partner Wants More Sex Than I Do?Desire discrepancies or mismatched desire are one of the most common reasons people seek sex therapy. It doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It means there’s a gap that needs understanding, and not a problem that needs blaming. We often help partners learn how to talk about sex without pressure, shutdown, or defensiveness. That might involve learning new ways to define intimacy, exploring different forms of touch or connection, or even redefining what “sex” means for you as a couple. Final Thoughts: Start Where You AreYou don’t have to want sex right now. You don’t have to be ready to dive into a big conversation. You don’t have to know where it’s all going. At the Sexual Wellness Institute, we don’t rush the process. We listen. We help you sort through the layers- individually, with a partner, or however you choose to show up. And we hold space for the reality that sexual wellness is about honoring who you are and where you’re at. And if you’re not ready to deal with it today? That’s okay too. We’ll be here when you are. Consider Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MNSex Therapy offers a compassionate space to untangle avoidance, reduce shame, and gently rebuild trust and intimacy, whether or not you choose to prioritize sex right now. Many clients find renewed understanding, closeness, and relief from pressure, allowing them to move forward feeling seen, respected, and empowered in their relationships and within themselves. When you're ready for us, we're ready for you.
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.  Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT  Do you know what your largest and most powerful sexual organ is? Your brain! When was the last time you and your partner had a conversation about your sex life outside of the bedroom? If you can’t remember, it’s been too long! Open communication about sex is essential in relationships. Many couples assume that sexual compatibility should come naturally. Just like any other skill in life – it likely took time, energy, and investment to get there. Sex is no different. One way you can instantly improve your sex life is to have more in-depth conversations about how your sex life is going and what you need from it. Doing this can help with libido concerns, sexual dysfunction, sexual pain, desire, mismatch, and more! One way to do this is with a few open-ended questions. Here are a few to get you started! 1. What Does Great Sex Mean to You?Sex means different things to different people. For some, it’s about emotional connection; for others, it’s about pleasure, exploration, or stress relief. There is no wrong answer here.
2. What Are Your Boundaries and Hard No’s? Boundaries are fundamental to maintaining a safe and pleasurable sex life. Communicating your needs and boundaries to your partner is an important part of the sexual relationship. You and your partner may have different comfort levels with certain activities, and acknowledging these differences fosters trust and mutual respect.
3. How Do You Feel About Frequency and Spontaneity?Differences in libido can create tension in a relationship. One of the most common issues I that brings couples to sex therapy is the mismatch in sexual frequency and initiation styles. Understanding each other’s expectations can prevent frustration and help maintain intimacy.
4. Are You Feeling Wanted by Me?When was the last time you told your partner they were attractive? Or maybe looked good in a particular outfit they wore that day? How to approach it: To jump-start the conversation in a positive way, try each sharing 3 things that attract you to your partner. Then ask what else they might need in order to feel “wanted”. 5. How do you want to handle it when things don’t go as planned? Did you know that sex goes badly or not so well about 15% of the time for couples with no reported sexual concerns? This statistic tells us it’s very normal for things to go awry during sexual activity. Talking about how you want things to go before they happen helps set you up to avoid bad feelings and/or avoid them happening with regularity.
Consider Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MNDiscussing sex might feel awkward at firstcommon-sex-therapy-questions-insight-from-a-minnesota-sex-therapist.html, but if you can laugh a little through the awkwardness to get to some meaningful conversation…you won’t regret it! So, when’s your next date night? Consider setting aside time to answer 1 or more of these questions. Want more support? Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"See the full list here!
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMF  If you're a fan of Love Is Blind, you know that the show is a social experiment that explores how love develops without physical attraction. But beyond the drama and whirlwind romances, it's also a great way to observe attachment styles in action. Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, suggests that our early experiences with caregivers shape how we relate to romantic partners as adults. There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. As you watch Love Is Blind, we see various personality traits and relationship dynamics- some healthy and some not so healthy. Sometimes we watch a particular scene and think “This seems unhealthy or unhelpful but I can’t quite put my finger on why”. Looking at the attachment styles of the contestants could help you figure out some of those dynamics. Here’s how you can spot each attachment style and understand how they impact relationships on (and off) the show: 1. Secure Attachment: The Unicorns of Reality TVSecurely attached individuals are comfortable with intimacy and independence. They communicate openly, trust their partners, and manage conflict in a healthy way. Because reality TV thrives on drama, secure individuals are less common in the Love Is Blind universe, but when they do appear, they stand out as stable, reassuring presences. Watch for contestants who navigate difficult conversations with ease, reassure their partners without becoming defensive, and express emotions without fear. 2. Anxious Attachment: The Emotional Roller CoastersPeople with an anxious attachment style crave closeness but often fear abandonment. They may come across as overly eager, needing constant reassurance, or spiraling when they sense emotional distance. On Love Is Blind, anxious attachers might rush into deep emotional connections quickly, seek constant validation, and react intensely when their partner seems less engaged. If you see someone who is frequently questioning their partner’s feelings or struggling with jealousy, they likely have an anxious attachment style. 3. Avoidant Attachment: The Commitment-PhobesAvoidantly attached individuals value independence and often struggle with emotional closeness. They might withdraw when things get too intimate or rationalize their way out of relationships. On the show, this often looks like someone who pulls away when their partner expresses deep emotions, hesitates to commit, or insists they need "space" when conflict arises. If you notice a contestant shutting down during emotional conversations or keeping their walls up, they may have an avoidant attachment style. 4. Disorganized Attachment: The Push-Pull DynamicThose with a disorganized attachment style experience a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors. They crave love but fear getting hurt, leading to unpredictable relationship patterns. In Love Is Blind, you might see someone who is intensely affectionate one moment and distant the next, struggling with trust and often sabotaging their own happiness. This can manifest as dramatic breakups, sudden emotional outbursts, or a cycle of pushing their partner away and then desperately pulling them back.  Why Attachment Style MattersUnderstanding attachment styles can give you a deeper insight into why certain relationships thrive while others crash and burn. It also helps us reflect on our own relationship patterns and how we might improve them. The next time you watch Love Is Blind, pay attention to how contestants handle emotional intimacy, conflict, and reassurance. It’s a reality show, yes, but it’s also a mirror reflecting how attachment styles play out in real-life relationships. How to Use This Information to Help Yourself in RelationshipsOnce you recognize your own attachment style, you can take steps to develop healthier relationship patterns:
 Consider talking to a couples therapist or online therapistRecognizing these patterns in yourself is the first step toward cultivating more secure, fulfilling connections. Who knows? Maybe watching Love Is Blind with an attachment lens will help you make better choices in your own love life! What attachment styles have you spotted on the show? Drop a comment below! Read about my thoughts on cheating (based on Love is Blind 2024), Love is Blind UK, or other seasons of Love is Blind here, or read more about couples therapy and marriage counseling hot topics on our therapy blog. (Not sure what ENM means? Do you need a sex room? (spoiler alert: YES, you do need a sex room!) Thinking about opening your relationship? Interested in knowing more about self-love and pleasure?) Of course, if you're anywhere in Minnesota and want to connect, we would love to talk with you about relationships, sexual concerns, trauma and PTSD, and more.
Sex Therapy and Couples Counseling Services in MinnesotaOur LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Our mental health services include sex therapy, therapy around sex and substances, couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"!!!See the full list here!
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT In the last 15 years of my career as a sex therapist, I have learned that a lot of people are concerned with sexual behaviors that have become compulsive or out of control. Whether it's pornography, excessive masturbation, or acting out in other ways, many individuals feel trapped by their sexual desires. They often wonder if there’s a way out or if they’re too far gone to change. I promise you, you are not too far gone, and things can change if you want them to! Whether you prefer to come to our Plymouth, MN office or take advantage of online counseling for problematic sexual behavior- we can help! First things first: the language we used in defining this problem
Many sex therapists (including all who practice at Sexual Wellness Institute) believe calling it sex addiction is not accurate. This is because our brains do not process sex, pornography, masturbation, etc in the same way it processes substances. We want to meet clients where they are at, but if you ask us, we’d rather call it problematic sexual behavior or out-of-control sexual behavior. Note: For the sake of this article what we call this issue will be varied so that the people searching for help can find it! Here are some of the advantages of engaging in online therapy in Minnesota for concerns related to sexual behavior:1. Confidentiality and Comfort:One of the greatest hurdles for someone struggling with sex addiction is the fear of being judged or stigmatized. There’s a deep sense of shame that often accompanies sex and masturbation. The very thought of seeking help can feel overwhelming due to embarrassment, guilt, or fear of being misunderstood. Online counseling in Minnesota offers a level of privacy that can significantly reduce these concerns. It allows clients to attend sessions from the comfort of their own homes, where they feel safe and secure. There’s also no need to worry about running into someone they know in a waiting room. 2. Accessibility to Specialized Therapists: Online therapy opens the door to a world of specialists who may not be accessible locally. For individuals living in small towns or rural areas, finding a therapist with expertise in sex addiction/problematic sexual behavior can be challenging. With online counseling, you’re no longer limited by geographical boundaries. You have access to therapists who are trained and experienced in dealing with sexual behaviors, addictions, and the emotional complexities that come with them. We pride ourselves at Sexual Wellness Institute in being highly trained therapists, particularly in the realm of sexual concerns. We want you to feel like you are in the right hands. 3. Flexibility in Scheduling:Another reason online sex addiction counseling can be incredibly helpful is the flexibility it offers. Many individuals with out-of-control sexual behavior have busy lives, filled with work commitments, family obligations, and other responsibilities. Finding the time for in-person therapy can be a challenge. Online therapy, however, allows you to schedule sessions at times that are most convenient for you. Whether it's after work, during lunch breaks, or later at night, online counseling fits into your life, not the other way around. This ease of access makes it more likely that you’ll follow through with therapy and commit to making the changes you need. 4. Ongoing Support and Accountability:Sex addiction is rarely resolved overnight. It’s an ongoing journey, and recovery requires long-term support and accountability. Online sex addiction counseling can offer continuous access to professional help, whether through regular sessions or check-ins between appointments. Even if you haven’t seen us in a while, we always welcome you back with any pop-ups of concern.  Consider Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MNSex addiction is a complex and challenging issue, but it is possible to overcome it with the right help. Online sex addiction counseling provides a unique opportunity to access affordable, confidential, and specialized care in a format that works for your lifestyle. Whether you’re just starting on your journey of discovery, or you’ve tried therapy before and are looking for a fresh approach, online counseling can provide the support and tools necessary to create lasting change. If you're struggling with sex addiction, don’t wait to reach out. Online counseling in Minnesota is an accessible and powerful tool that can help you regain control of your life and start the healing process.
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT As a Minnesota sex therapist, I often encounter clients grappling with the term "sex addiction." It's a phrase that stirs up strong emotions and evokes vivid images in the media and popular culture. For some, it represents an uncontrollable urge to engage in sexual behaviors, while for others, it can signify a moral or social failing. However, when we turn to scientific research and clinical practice, the term "sex addiction" is increasingly seen as an inaccurate and problematic label. Let's delve into why this term doesn't hold up under scrutiny from a scientific and therapeutic standpoint and why we need a more nuanced, evidence-based understanding of human sexuality. The Roots of the "Sex Addiction" Concept The concept of sex addiction gained traction in the 1980s and 1990s, particularly in the wake of high-profile cases and media portrayals. Prominent individuals, such as public figures and celebrities, admitted to having “sex addiction,” which only added to the narrative that excessive sexual behavior was a sign of a serious, diagnosable disorder. Books, documentaries, and therapies marketed to address "sex addiction" created a framework where sexual behavior was likened to substance abuse or gambling addiction. The basic premise behind the term is that some individuals experience an overwhelming compulsion to engage in sexual activity, leading to negative consequences in their personal, professional, or social lives. However, as we explore the science of human sexuality, we quickly discover that the label doesn’t align well with what we know about sexual behavior and mental health. The Problem with "Addiction" in the Context of SexAddiction is defined as a psychological condition characterized by compulsive engagement in a behavior despite negative consequences. It usually involves an escalating pattern of use (e.g., with drugs or alcohol), where the individual builds tolerance and experiences withdrawal symptoms when they can’t engage in the behavior. These elements—tolerance, withdrawal, and escalation—are hallmarks of many well-established addictions, such as substances or gambling. This research study was the first to look at these concepts with folks trying to abstain from pornography for 7 days. They concluded that there were no negative abstinence effects (like withdrawal) for these people. While some people may experience difficulty controlling their sexual behavior, the idea that sexual desire or activity can be analogous to drug addiction doesn't hold up scientifically. There’s no evidence to suggest that sexual behavior operates on the same neural pathways or mechanisms as substance addiction. Unlike substances, sex is a basic human need and a fundamental part of our biology. Furthermore, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), which is used by mental health professionals to diagnose psychiatric disorders, does not recognize "sex addiction" as a formal condition.  Is There Really a "Compulsion" to Have Sex?Many who identify with the term “sex addiction” report feeling a compulsion or an uncontrollable urge to engage in sexual behavior. However, it’s crucial to distinguish between compulsivity and desire. Sexual urges are natural, and at times, they can be intense. But feeling driven to act on sexual impulses is not inherently pathological. It is when those urges lead to distress, harm, or dysfunction in life that they may be indicative of something more complex—such as anxiety, trauma, or attachment issues. Ie: wanting to have sex or masturbate is completely normal! In therapeutic settings, it’s often more productive to explore the underlying psychological and emotional factors contributing to a person’s sexual behavior. For instance, some individuals may engage in high-frequency sexual behavior as a way of coping with trauma, loneliness, stress, or unresolved emotional pain. In such cases, what we are really dealing with is not "addiction" but maladaptive coping mechanisms that require addressing the root causes. The Danger of Pathologizing Normal Sexual Behavior & the Role of ShameOne of the most concerning aspects of labeling someone as a “sex addict” is the risk of pathologizing normal variations in sexual behavior. Human sexuality is diverse, and people’s desires and behaviors vary widely. For some, a high libido and a strong desire for frequent sex are part of a healthy sexual identity. For others, less frequent sexual activity or celibacy may be the norm. These variations do not necessarily indicate a psychological disorder. By labeling individuals with high sexual desires or varied sexual practices as "addicts," we risk reinforcing harmful stigma and shame around sexuality. This can lead to unnecessary therapy, medical treatments, and even self-loathing when what may actually be needed is a deeper understanding of one’s needs, desires, and boundaries. A More Helpful Approach: Understanding the Underlying Issues As sex therapists, our goal is not to label or stigmatize our clients but to help them identify and understand their sexual values. Rather than focusing on a “diagnosis,” it’s more beneficial to look at the following areas:
Values-Based Treatment in Sex TherapySexual values-based treatment for issues often called "sex addiction" focuses on helping people connect their sexual behaviors with their core values, rather than treating it as a compulsion or disorder. This approach encourages individuals to explore their beliefs about sex and how those beliefs shape their actions. By identifying what matters most to them—like respect, trust, intimacy, and mutual consent—people can make more thoughtful choices about their sexual lives. Instead of labeling sexual behavior as an addiction, this method empowers individuals to take control and create healthier, more meaningful relationships, both with themselves and with others. It’s about living in a way that feels true to one’s values and promoting overall sexual well-being. Consider Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MNOur sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"See the full list here!
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, Sophie Pimsler, MA LMFT *Disclaimer: The majority of this blog is addressing issues pertaining to cisgender women in heterosexual relationships. However, that does not discount the impact of ARE experiences of LGBTQIA+ identified individuals. Religion & Sex Religious experiences can profoundly shape our identities, yet for some, they leave behind deep pain and unresolved struggles. As a sex therapist specializing in Adverse Religious Experiences (ARE), I help individuals navigate the lasting impact of these challenges on their lives and well-being. Through open discussions about sexuality, I often guide clients in exploring how their religious beliefs have influenced their sexual health and relationships. This approach allows us to examine how these experiences affect overall mental health, including intimacy, libido, performance anxiety, and emotional connections. Issues like familial abandonment, community isolation, and the harm caused by purity culture are often at the core of these struggles. A common challenge I encounter involves significant distress among religiously-identified, heterosexual women regarding their sexual relationships with their husbands. Many of these women wrestle with reconciling their beliefs and sexual experiences, leading to confusion and frustration. Despite "saving" themselves for marriage, they often find it difficult to relax and enjoy intimacy. Some even experience physical pain during sex, yet feel compelled to endure it, believing it is their "duty" to satisfy their husbands. Many clients have shared that when they sought guidance from clergy or elders in their religious community, their pain was minimized or normalized. This leaves them questioning what is “wrong” with their bodies and feeling emotionally distressed about their role in the relationship, as they feel unable to please their spouse. Defining Purity Culture Purity culture, rooted in conservative Christian interpretations—particularly within evangelical and fundamentalist branches—promotes sexual abstinence before marriage, often linking a person’s moral worth to their sexual behavior. Women, in particular, are encouraged to remain "pure" for their future spouse, with symbols like purity rings or pledges reinforcing this commitment. While purity culture is most closely associated with conservative Christianity, it also exists in other religions.
Impact on Sexual Education and HealthIn communities dominated by purity culture, sex education is often replaced with abstinence-only programs, which have been shown to be less effective at preventing teen pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) compared to comprehensive sex education. Studies indicate that teens who receive comprehensive education are less likely to experience unintended pregnancies. Moreover, abstinence-only education frequently neglects crucial topics such as consent and healthy sexual communication, leaving individuals unprepared for balanced and respectful relationships. This gap in education can negatively impact sexual health, making it harder to make informed decisions about contraception and boundaries. Sex Therapy Can Help To address the impact of purity culture, it is essential to cultivate a compassionate and comprehensive understanding of sexuality, one that prioritizes consent, communication, and mutual respect. This approach helps individuals break free from the shame and guilt tied to rigid notions of sexual "purity," empowering them to make informed choices about their bodies. By recognizing that a person’s worth is not tied to their sexual history, individuals can rebuild healthier self-esteem and stronger relationships. Healing also involves adjusting unrealistic expectations about sex, especially those shaped by purity culture. Many people are taught that marriage will automatically make sex fulfilling simply because they wait. I often use the analogy of a light switch with my clients: religious teachings suggest that once you're married, sex will be as simple as flipping a switch, instantly enjoyable. However, entering marriage without a clear understanding of one’s own body or sexual preferences often leads to confusion and frustration. Sexual satisfaction requires communication, mutual exploration, and patience. Therapy can play a crucial role in helping couples navigate these adjustments, fostering intimacy, and fostering a more realistic understanding of a healthy sexual connection. In my practice as a sex therapist, I work with both individuals and couples to unlearn the harmful messages instilled by purity culture and other limiting belief systems. By addressing unrealistic expectations and exploring sexual health and emotional well-being, therapy promotes healing and helps individuals develop a more balanced and nuanced perspective on sexuality. This process often includes discussing personal values, enhancing communication skills, and recognizing the importance of consent and mutual respect in relationships. Therapy also supports individuals in confronting and processing feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety related to their sexual experiences. Interested in Starting Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MN?As clients work through these emotions, they frequently find they can embrace their sexuality in a healthier way, which leads to improved self-esteem and more fulfilling relationships. Ultimately, this therapeutic journey empowers clients to redefine their understanding of intimacy and sex—recognizing that they are distinct concepts—enabling them to engage in their relationships more authentically and without shame. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT So things might not be going that well with your sex life. Or, maybe they are going okay, but you wonder if I could be better but you’re not sure how to approach it. Here are 5 questions to ask your partner about sex that will help you have a greater understanding of their desires, boundaries, and preferences. I hope this ignites some great conversations to create deeper intimacy with you and your partner(s)! 1. What do you enjoy most about our sex life? Why It Matters: This question is a fantastic opener for discussions about pleasure and connection. By asking your partner what they enjoy, you’re not only inviting them to share their favorite experiences but also signaling that their pleasure is a priority for you. How to Approach It: Set the mood for a relaxed conversation—maybe during a cozy evening at home or while enjoying a quiet dinner. You might say something like, “I’ve been thinking about what makes our time together special. What parts of our sex life do you love the most?” This can lead to insights about specific acts, settings, or emotional connections that heighten their enjoyment. It’s also a chance to explore if there are aspects you might not have considered before! 2. Are there any fantasies or desires you’ve wanted to explore?Why It Matters: Discussing fantasies can be incredibly liberating. It creates a safe space for both partners to express their desires without judgment, encouraging vulnerability and trust. If it goes well your partner will feel really seen and understood by you sexually. This question can also open doors to new adventures that bring excitement to your relationship. How to Approach It: Try to initiate this conversation when you both feel relaxed and connected. You might say, “I love learning more about you. Are there any fantasies you’ve thought about but haven’t shared yet?” Listen attentively, and remember that this is about exploration, not pressure. If your partner shares something unexpected, approach it with curiosity—ask follow-up questions to understand their vision and see how you can both make it a reality. 3. How do you feel about our current level of intimacy? Why It Matters: Intimacy goes beyond the physical; it encompasses emotional closeness and connection. This question helps assess whether both partners feel satisfied and supported in their relationship. It opens the door for discussing any feelings of distance or disconnection that may need addressing. How to Approach It: Find a quiet moment when you both feel comfortable. You could say, “I’ve been thinking about how we connect with each other. How do you feel about our level of intimacy?” Pay attention to your partner’s feelings—this is a chance to listen and validate their experiences. Whether they express joy, concern, or a desire for change, responding with empathy can lead to deeper understanding and stronger bonds. 4. What are your boundaries when it comes to sex?Why It Matters: Understanding boundaries is crucial for ensuring both partners feel safe and respected. This question allows for clear communication about what is acceptable and what isn’t, helping to build trust and confidence in your sexual relationship. How to Approach It: Bring this topic up in a calm and supportive atmosphere. You might say, “I think it’s important for us to know each other’s boundaries. What are some things that feel comfortable for you, and are there any hard limits I should be aware of?” Encourage your partner to express their thoughts freely, and share your own boundaries as well. This can create a collaborative atmosphere where both partners feel empowered to explore within safe parameters. 5. How can we improve our sexual relationship? Why It Matters: This question promotes a mindset of growth and teamwork. It invites both partners to reflect on their experiences and come together to create a more satisfying sexual relationship. It’s about building a shared vision for intimacy. No matter how good your sex life is, there’s always room for more conversations on how to fine tune it. So don’t think of this as a conversation to dump on your sexual relationship but more of a way to continue to grow together sexually. How to Approach It: Introduce this conversation by expressing your desire for a fulfilling sex life for both of you. You could say, “I really value our time together and want to make sure we’re both getting what we need. How do you think we can enhance our sexual relationship?” Encourage your partner to share their thoughts, and be open to their suggestions. Whether it’s trying new things, setting aside more time for intimacy, or discussing emotional needs, this dialogue can lead to actionable steps that elevate your connection. Interested in Starting Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MN?Having these conversations may feel daunting at first, but the benefits far outweigh the initial discomfort. By asking these questions and truly listening to your partner’s responses, you create an environment of trust and intimacy that can enhance your sexual relationship. Remember, the goal is not just to talk about sex, but to deepen your emotional connection and understanding of one another. Embrace the journey together! Need to talk with someone other than your partner first? Or, process how that conversation went? Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"As a Minnesota couples therapist who digs Love is Blind, I was intrigued to see how the UK version would compare to its US counterpart. One thing that struck me was the noticeable level of emotional intelligence displayed by many contestants in the UK show. Emotional Intelligence: the IngredientsOne of the most refreshing aspects of Love Is Blind UK was the level of emotional maturity exhibited by many of the contestants. This contrasts with some other reality dating shows, where emotional intelligence can sometimes take a backseat to drama and conflict. Let's explore the key aspects of emotional intelligence that were prominently displayed throughout the show: Open Communication & Assertiveness: Many contestants were willing to discuss their feelings, fears, and expectations openly. They engaged in honest dialogues about their past relationships, insecurities, and hopes for the future. This openness laid the groundwork for deeper connections and mutual understanding. One time I really appreciated this was with Tom & Maria. They obviously had different views on gender roles in a marriage. I really appreciated how both made their values clear knowing the other didn’t agree. Tom got a lot of heat for this, but I appreciate his directness in letting Maria know that he wanted a partner with ambition in her career and didn’t want his partner to stay home with the kids. Maria had opposite values about this and was also very clear about it. Gender roles in a marriage are a very important thing to be on the same page with, so I admire the risk it took in them putting it out there. Active Listening:Numerous participants demonstrated excellent listening skills, showing genuine interest in their partners' thoughts and feelings. They asked thoughtful follow-up questions and provided empathetic responses, creating an environment where both parties felt heard and valued. Emotional Regulation: When faced with conflicts or disappointments, many contestants displayed admirable emotional regulation. Instead of reacting impulsively, they often took time to process their emotions and respond in a more measured way. This skill was particularly crucial given the high-pressure environment of the show. I saw Freddie regulating his emotions when it might’ve been easy to let them get out of control when in intense conversations with Cat. His ability to regulate is likely why he had little patience for her inability to do the same. I will say that Ollie did not show the best emotional regulation skills when presented with the conflict with Jasmine. I did see him trying but his first instinct was to shut down and give up. Empathy:Participants frequently demonstrated a keen ability to understand and share the feelings of their partners and the other contestants, offering support and compassion during challenging moments. This empathy fostered a supportive atmosphere even amidst the competition inherent in the show's format. Even though Jasmine went a little overboard at times, I think she really cared about the other women and did her best to support them during tough times. Self-Awareness:Numerous contestants showed a high degree of self-awareness, openly acknowledging their flaws and areas for growth. Demi, in particular, impressed me with her journey of self-reflection and personal growth, even under the intense scrutiny of reality TV. Implications for Relationships The emotional intelligence displayed in Love Is Blind UK shows me that at least some of these contestants will continue to do well in having hard conversations in relationships, navigating conflict, and fostering deep connections. And some will likely continue to struggle with these things until they do some inner work to figure out why this happens. Let’s be real – this is still reality TV and we all need to take what we see with a grain of realism. I was, however, impressed with this season’s cast and look forward to see more seasons set in the UK. The show serves as a reminder of the importance of emotional intelligence in forming and maintaining healthy relationships. It also highlights the ongoing progress in breaking down barriers to emotional expression and fostering more authentic connections. Consider talking to a couples therapist or online therapistAs we continue to value and cultivate emotional intelligence in our society, we may see more examples of these skills across various platforms and in everyday life. This can only lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships - both on and off the screen. Read about my thoughts on cheating (based on Love is Blind 2024), or other seasons of Love is Blind here, or read more about couples therapy and marriage counseling hot topics on our therapy blog. (Not sure what ENM means? Do you need a sex room? (spoiler alert: YES, you do need a sex room!) Thinking about opening your relationship? Interested in knowing more about self-love and pleasure?) Of course, if you're anywhere in Minnesota and want to connect, we would love to talk with you about relationships, sexual concerns, trauma and PTSD, and more.
Sex Therapy and Couples Counseling Services in MinnesotaOur LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Our mental health services include sex therapy, therapy around sex and substances, couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"!!!Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, James Chadwick, MSW LICSW So you want to take it in the butt? Now what? Well, there could be at least two possible lingering impediments. Particularly for the cisgender heterosexual male reader, you may be wondering if curiosity or even enjoyment of anal play makes you gay. 1) It doesn’t and 2) it’s probably a fantastic opportunity to examine potential homophobia that you might be perpetuating. Sexual orientation is typically far more complex than a single sexual act and usually encompasses romantic or affectional preferences. Moreover, if you land at the (I would argue correct) conclusion that there’s simply nothing wrong with being a gay man, you’re far more likely to fully enjoy anal play for all that it can offer. You’re probably also worried about poop. Be honest, and don’t be shy! It’s ok. As I’ve said, shit happens, and if you are keen on minimizing the occurrence of it I would refer you to my past blog “The Back Door Is Open!” (Anal) Sex Worth Having So we’ve identified some sexual brakes to anal play (“threat to masculinity” and “mess.”) Potential pain is certainly another; I think it follows that if something hurts you’re going to be averse to it (I’m guessing that no one is reading this with their hands on a stove. Unless you’re into that, and I’d be the last to stop you or yuck your yum, as long as it’s safe and consensual!). The late great sex educator and host of Talk Sex, Sue Johansen, (rest in power, and thanks for keeping me company on late-night TV when I shouldn’t have been watching!) was fond of suggesting that “if anal hurts, you’re doing it wrong.” While this is generally accurate, I think it falls a little short. As I mentioned briefly in “The Back Door Is Open,” there are two ring-like muscles that control the sphincter, one that is controlled more voluntarily than the other. There is a fair amount of stretching that occurs during anal play, and if you ram something or someone in there like you may have seen in porn, it will probably hurt. As Sue also famously said (and I’m paraphrasing here - it’s been a good two decades since the Talk Sex days..), “lube is your friend.” Start Small & Come as You AreI would say depending on what you are inserting, and I stand by my recommendation to start quite small as long as it has a flared base, there may be a manageable amount of pain, and it is pretty likely to subside as you become more familiar with sensations. Obviously everyone has different pain thresholds and it is crucial to listen to your body and take a break if the pain is unbearable. Dr. Emily Nagoski, badass bestselling author of “Come As You Are,” writes extremely eloquently about “sex worth having.” The general idea is that in order to desire sex, it has to be sex that you are genuinely and unequivocally interested in, or sex worth having. I’m not sure that she had anal sex in mind per se, but I think it absolutely applies here. The mind is your most powerful sex organ - not anything between your legs, sorry! - and a natural curiosity and embrace of this kind of sexual exploration will likely take you a long way. This leads me to a further consideration: broaching anal play with a partner or partners, particularly if anyone has reservations. The More the Merrier!Generally speaking, anal sex is a great practice to share. The anus is a prominent erogenous zone, packed with nerve endings, to say nothing of prostate stimulation. It follows that giving and receiving pleasure of any variety can be a solid form of fostering intimacy between partners. And, just as there can be and often are stark differences in libido generally between partners, there can be dramatically different ideas about and approaches to anal sex. Learning About Anal Sex Helps Education, be it a resource like this blog, work with an attuned clinician, or something else, can lay the groundwork for exploration. If we use attachment theory as a framework, it’s imperative to establish a secure base and feel sufficiently safe to begin a new behavior. Empathy is also key; rather than attacking a partner’s reservations or resorting to defensiveness, endeavor to really understand their point of view. Consent is paramount, always. Even if the end result is to abandon exploration, you will likely walk away feeling closer emotionally, which is a win in my book. Consider Meeting with a Sex Therapist in Plymouth, MNIn summary, I hope that these thoughts work to start demystifying a widely practiced and enjoyed area of sexual exploration - have fun! If you aren't yet sure where to start or have more questions, consider talking with a professional about your values around anal sex. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT As a sex therapist near the Twin Cities, I often recommend using various forms of media and entertainment to help couples explore and enhance their sexual relationships. One of the most intriguing shows in recent years is Netflix’s "Bridgerton." Its blend of romance, scandal, and sensuality offers a perfect backdrop for couples looking for something new. Here are some tips on how to use "Bridgerton" to spice up your sex life!  1. Explore Historical Fantasies"Bridgerton" is set in the Regency era, a time of elaborate dresses, formal balls, and strict societal rules. This historical setting can be a great way to explore role-playing fantasies. You can go all out with dressing up in period costumes, using old-fashioned language, and creating a story where you and your partner are characters in a Regency romance. You can also choose just one of these aspects to dip your toes in the waters of role playing. Role-playing can help you step out of your everyday routine and possibly help with jump starting sexual desire. 2. Communication and Consent One of the key themes in "Bridgerton" is the importance of communication and consent. The characters often engage in candid discussions about their desires, boundaries, and expectations. Use this as an inspiration to have open conversations with your partner about your own sexual needs and boundaries. Clear communication is crucial for a healthy and satisfying sex life 3. Sensual SettingsThe show features many beautifully crafted settings that ooze sensuality, from lush gardens to opulent bedrooms. Take a cue from "Bridgerton" and create a romantic and sensual environment in your own home. Light some candles, play soft music, and decorate your space to make it feel special and inviting. A change in scenery can help set the mood for intimacy 4. The Power of Anticipation"Bridgerton" is masterful at building anticipation. The slow-burn romance between characters can be incredibly enticing and can teach us the value of anticipation in our own relationships. Try building up the anticipation with your partner through teasing texts, lingering touches, and prolonged eye contact. Drawing out the build-up can make the eventual intimacy even more exciting 5. Embrace Sensual Touch The show is filled with scenes that highlight the importance of touch and physical connection. Pay attention to how the characters use touch to convey their emotions and desires. In your relationship, focus on non-sexual touch to build intimacy and connection. Gentle caresses, massages, and hand-holding can enhance your bond and lead to more passionate encounters 6. Learn from the CharactersEach character in "Bridgerton" has a unique approach to love and intimacy. Take some time to discuss the characters with your partner and identify which ones you resonate with. Do you see yourself as the strong minded Penelope? Or maybe you are drawn to new experiences with your sexuality like Benedict. Discussing the characters can lead to a deeper understanding of your own desires and how you can bring more of those qualities into your relationship 7. Spice Up Your Language"Bridgerton" features eloquent and poetic language, which can be incredibly arousing. Experiment with using more descriptive and romantic language with your partner. Compliment them, express your desires, and share your fantasies in a way that feels both genuine and passionate. Words have the power to create a deeper emotional and physical connection 8. Playful CompetitionThe show often features playful banter and competitive interactions between characters. Introduce some playful competition into your relationship. Whether it’s through a game, a dance-off, or a friendly bet, a little competition can add fun and excitement to your dynamic, leading to a more vibrant and passionate connection Interested in Starting Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MN?"Bridgerton" offers a treasure trove of inspiration for couples looking to spice up their sex life. I suggest you go over this list with your partner(s) and see which one resonates with you to try first. Need to talk with someone? Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"See the full list here!
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, James Chadwick, MSW LICSW Admit it: if you haven’t had anal sex, you’ve thought about it. Maybe it excites you. Maybe it grosses you out. Maybe both. And that’s totally okay! The reality is that it is something that people of all sorts of genders and sexual orientations routinely enjoy, either with partners or solo. But, anal sex doesn’t just "happen"! If you’re basing butt stuff off of porn you’re bound to be sorely (literally!) disappointed. Fret not! With a few basic logistical and psychological pointers you’ll be an anal sex champ in no time!  The Prep for Anal Sex: So Fresh and So Clean! First, you need to get ready. There are physical and psychological components to this. If you’re new(er) to it, you may need to embrace the fact that you’re interacting with an origin of waste. There’s really not a delicate way to put this: shit happens, and it’s not the end of the world, or shouldn’t be. And, there are plenty of tried and tested methods for enhancing cleanliness and hygiene. Let’s get started! As my friend Frankie Goes to Hollywood says, relax! The sphincter is comprised of two core ring-like muscles, one that is more voluntarily controlled than the other. There are several ways to go about “warming these muscles up;” I would recommend a warm shower or bath at the very least. Some people insist on anal douching prior to anal play and truly, the more preoccupied you are with a mess, the more appealing this option likely is. Here are a few basics about anal douching and cleaning prior to anal sex: There are many ways to douche, each with its own pros and cons. Some people are most comfortable with a small “bulb” (typically of a material like latex, plastic, or silicone) that fills with water and can be inserted rectally. One of the benefits of bulbs is their versatility and portability. You’ll likely want warm water, neither too hot nor too cold. Once you’ve filled the bulb with warm water, insert it and squeeze the base to shoot the water out. It’s usually best to apply a medium amount of pressure here when squeezing; you don’t want to shoot too hard or you may make more of a mess than intended. Squeeze your sphincter for a few (maybe 5-10) seconds to hold the water in, then release. Repeat this process as needed or ideally until the water runs clear. If a bulb isn’t your jam, there are hose adaptations to connect to either your shower or your toilet. I would personally go with a toilet adaptation or some form of bidet. Yes, they’re a little more costly than a bulb but in my opinion “do a better job” and are more bang for your buck. Basically, the same cleaning process applies as with a bulb; again, be careful not to shoot the water too hard or too far. For an added measure of confidence, some folks will insert a dildo or vibrator after they have douched just to ensure that they have fully cleaned out. Deeper Dives Now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way I’m sure you’re itching to get started! Seriously, this is when things get fun. That said, you might be tempted to take on a large dildo or penis right off the bat. I would advise working up to this over time. As stated earlier, these are muscles like any other and it’s vital to train them. Many sex stores/retailers sell a series of “graduated” butt plugs that are excellent for the purpose of training yourself. (A butt plug is sort of like a small dildo). Always look for toys/insertables with flared bases - you don’t want to lose anything up there, and it does happen! Some folks also enjoy inserting fingers and some enjoy analingus or “rimming” (orally stimulating the anus). Clean up, communicate, try to address any (understandable) hangups you might have about this area of the body, and go to town! Wrapping Up So, now that you’ve jumped through these seemingly endless hoops, you’re ready at last! As I said before, anyone can enjoy anal activity. Some mistakenly believe it to be the sole purview of gay men, or that doing it as a male will somehow “turn you gay.” This is an unfortunate distortion that I strive to rectify. I will say that if you are having anal sex that involves a penis, it is wise to use a condom, particularly in a casual setting, to reduce the risk of STI transmission. Many folks that engage in anal sex, especially receptive anal sex, take the medication PReP (Truvada or Descovy) to reduce the risk of HIV transmission. While this is a fantastic preventative measure, it does not account for other sexually transmitted infections. Though DoxyPeP (antibiotics like doxycycline) is increasingly being used as a prophylactic against other STIs (e.g. gonorrhea and chlamydia), it’s always a good idea to communicate safer sex practices and needs to partners, especially new ones. Use lots of lube (silicone-based can be enjoyable but can stain sheets and erode silicone toys so you may want to opt for water-based) and have fun! For further reading (more from a gay male perspective) check out “How to Bottom Like a Porn Star” by Woody Miller or for a more light-hearted approach to pegging (the practice of anal sex via a strap-on dildo), check out the pegging episode (“Knockoffs”) of the Comedy Central hit “Broad City” (streaming on Hulu as well). Consider Meeting with a Sex Therapist in Plymouth, MNListen to your body above all else. If you’re new to all this, you might experience some (manageable) discomfort. If pain is more acute, it may be an indication to slow down and prepare a bit more. As with so many things sexual, an open and relaxed mind is your key to fulfillment. So disinhibit a little (within reason) and enjoy yourself! If you aren't yet sure where to start or have more questions, consider talking with a professional about your values around anal sex. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"See the full list here!
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, Josalin Brausen, Masters Intern Therapist Have you been led to believe that pain with sex is normal, or that sex is supposed to hurt? If so, you’re definitely not alone, but I am here to tell you that painful sex is NOT normal and should NOT be tolerated. Yet, pain with sex is incredibly common, and up to 40% of those who experience this do not seek out medical care. In this blog, I am going to break down what exactly painful sex is for vulva owners, what can cause it, and what can be done about it. Just a brief clarification before we get started - pain with sex is very broad and complicated in nature and can present differently from person to person. If you are experiencing any kind of pain with sex, I hope this blog post gives you some confidence to do something about it and take back your sex life, because you deserve a satisfying and pleasurable sex life if you want one. Terminology Breakdown Regarding Painful Sex First, I want to describe exactly what I mean when I say “pain with sex.” I am referring to genitopelvic pain, or pain originating anywhere in the external genitals (including the vulva, external clitoris, perineum, labia majora, and labia minora) or in the internal genitals (including the vagina, cervix, ovaries, and uterus) during sexual activity. Dyspareunia is the medical term for pain with penetrative sex and can occur before, during, or after sexual intercourse. Vulvodynia is the medical term for pain in the vulvar region that greatly varies from person to person and depending on the cause. Your pain may come and go, remain relatively constant, or only flare when the area is touched or provoked. It can also occur outside of sexual activity/the area being touched. You may experience burning, soreness, stinging, rawness, or a sharp/knife-like pain. If you are experiencing any sort of sexual pain, it will be important to get specific with your doctor. One of the biggest details to consider is where exactly does it hurt? If you are unsure how to describe this, it can be helpful to become acquainted with your genitals. Though it may be uncomfortable at first, grab a handheld mirror and take a look down there. You can also print out an anatomy sheet and try to identify your own parts. This can help you be clearer with your doctor and other professionals when trying to describe where exactly it hurts. *If you become self-conscious or experience shame when looking at your genitals, challenge this! Genitals come in so many different shapes and sizes and are all beautiful. You could journal about where this shame may originate from, where you learned it, and how it impacts you. A sex therapist can also help you work through this. Some other things to consider before visiting your doctor about painful sex:
The Vast Array of Potential Causes of Pelvic Pain for Vulva Owners As I mentioned earlier, sexual pain is complicated and there are many things that can contribute to it. It’s also important to note that there likely isn’t one single cause, but several, all contributing to the pain. It may feel overwhelming, but fear not! It is treatable. Knowing the potential cause(s) of your pain is a big step towards being able to treat it. Here are a few of the many potential causes:
The Silver Lining: Treatment Options for Painful Sex Since many things can contribute to genito-pelvic pain, you may have to take a holistic approach and involve several professionals. This can include a primary care doctor/gynecologist who can do an external/internal examination and run appropriate tests/lab work. Pelvic Floor Physical Therapists can help the muscles of the pelvic floor work properly including teaching you how to contract and relax your pelvic floor muscles. A sex therapist/mental health professional trained in sexual concerns can help with the emotional and relational effects that the pain has caused, address sexual anxiety/trauma/anything else that may be psychologically contributing to your pain. If you are partnered, the pain may also be causing relationship distress. It can be helpful to open up a conversation with your partner(s) about the pain you are experiencing, what you would like to do about it, and how it’s impacting your relationship emotionally and physically in a non-sexual context. Also know that sex and intimacy does not only have to be penetration or the certain activities you find painful. Try broadening your definition of sex and intimacy and engage in other activities that do not cause you pain such as kissing, massages, oral sex, using a sex toy, listening to erotica together, shower together, mutual masturbation, or anything else you find enjoyable! The options are endless. Want to Talk With an Expert? Begin Online Sex Therapy in Minnesota.You are not alone in your pain, it is not normal, it can be improved, and you deserve a pleasurable and satisfying sex life! I hope this blog provided you with some hope and knowledge about the many different treatment options available. Sex therapy is becoming more popular and normalized, too! If you've been wondering about topics of a more intimate nature and want support, an expert sex and relationship therapist in our Plymouth, MN therapy practice can help. Let us help you take those first steps to embracing your sex life more fully. In fact, we can help you wherever you are in the state via online sex and relationship therapy in Minnesota!
Other Sexual Wellness and Couples Therapy Services in MinnesotaOur therapists want to support people from all walks of life and all stages of relationships. In addition to couple therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include sex therapy, couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Happy reading! We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"!!!SOURCES:
Coping Mechanisms have been around since the days of Freud. The meaning behind them has changed and been adapted over the years. You’ve probably heard it talked about in popular media or even by peers but what are coping mechanisms? Coping is using thoughts and behaviors to help manage internal or external stressful situations. The mechanisms are the actual thoughts and behaviors used to help manage stressful or highly emotional situations. Not all coping mechanisms are positive and not all are negative. It largely depends on the individual and whether it is affecting their daily functioning or mental health. Modern therapists continue to use coping mechanisms as a way to explore the issues that individuals come to therapy for. Coping mechanisms can be adaptive and helpful or maladaptive and harmful. It’s important to explore what they are and why they are being used. Different Coping Mechanisms For Different People There are many different types of coping mechanisms, but they can be broken down into four main subsets: Problem-Focused, Emotion-Focused, Meaning Focused, and Social Coping. Problem-Focused Coping Mechanisms include any thought or behavior that directly addresses the problem or distress head-on. This could include planning, creating to-do lists, prioritizing tasks or events, etc. Anything that looks logically and directly at the problem itself would be included in this category. Emotion-Focused Coping Mechanisms include any thought or behavior that helps reduce the negative emotions attached to the distress. This could include cognitive reframing, humor, suppressing emotions, mindfulness practices, drinking alcohol, journaling, engaging in sexual behavior, etc. These coping mechanisms are all about reducing and sometimes avoiding the emotions associated with stressful events. Meaning Focused Coping Mechanisms include thoughts and behaviors that help an individual derive meaning from stressful situations. This could include turning to religion, practicing gratitude, searching for the silver lining or positives in situations, etc. These help individuals reframe the situation into one that is more manageable. Social Coping refers to an individual reaching out for social support. This could be reaching out to family, friends, community members, or a therapist. This type of coping helps individuals feel less alone and feel that they can face large challenges. Sexual Coping: The Signs and Signals Hypersexuality is not considered a DSM diagnosis and can be incredibly subjective; however, it is defined as indulging in excessive sexual behaviors including but not limited to intercourse, pornography consumption, compulsive masturbation, etc. What is considered problematic sexual behavior, as stated before, is subjective to the individual in question; however, it is generally considered excessive and problematic when it interferes with one or more areas of functioning in someone’s life. Sexual behavior, such as intercourse, porn, masturbation, etc, is something that is done for a number of reasons. It can be simply to enjoy a pleasurable experience, to connect with a partner, or even to help boost your mood. So, what draws the line between a positive relationship with sex and a problematic one? While this can be subjective there are some signs that you may not have a positive relationship with sex. Firstly, a strong indicator of a problematic relationship with sex is when sex or sexual behaviors start to become or feel compulsive. This could be feeling out of control in the type of sexual behaviors you are experiencing, or feeling as if you need to constantly engage in the behaviors. This also may lead to risky sexual behaviors such as unprotected sex or engaging in sex under the influence. This isn’t the same as an addiction, because there isn’t a chemical compound in sexual behavior that causes a neurological feedback loop. Another indicator of a problematic relationship with sex is when it becomes the main or only go-to for coping with major distress and emotional upheavals. As stated before it can be used to boost an individual's mood and it’s not inherently negative. However, when it becomes the only way to cope and begins to interfere with daily functioning or has adverse effects then it’s less of a positive mood boost. Sex can be a way to connect with a partner, but when you begin to use sex as a maladaptive coping mechanism connection and emotional intimacy are usually pushed to the side. In some cases, sex is used as a way to avoid that intimacy altogether, and the individual may struggle to make any emotional connections with someone. Finally, using sex as a maladaptive coping mechanism may create negative emotional consequences that were unexpected. These could include depressive symptoms, feelings of shame, guilt, or even regret. This usually leads to a pattern where sex is used to attempt to mitigate the feelings, but instead perpetuates the feelings. Reaching Out For Help Coping mechanisms are not always easy to identify or stop as they are serving a purpose in your life. Maybe drinking helps you avoid negative emotions. Or sex helps give you a rush of adrenaline and dopamine, which boosts your mood. Planning out your entire day helps with the anxiety of a busy life. All coping mechanisms are created for a reason, and some are more positive than others. Maladaptive coping mechanisms can cause damage to your mental health as well as other areas of your life. Additionally, individuals who engage in more maladaptive coping mechanisms are more likely to engage in risky behaviors associated with those coping mechanisms such as unprotected sex. So, when is it necessary to reach out for help? Unfortunately, this isn’t a question that can easily be answered as it’s subjective to the individual and their level of sexual functioning. As problematic sexual coping mechanisms, as well as other maladaptive coping mechanisms, start to interfere with daily functioning and mental health, that can be a strong indicator that help might be needed. Think You Might Be Using Sex to Cope? Consider Meeting with a Sex Therapist in Plymouth, MNTalking with an expert sex therapist can be helpful for this topic and many times sexual behavior itself is not the main focus of therapy, instead, therapy focuses on the reasons for needing a coping mechanism in the first place. This work is usually done in conjunction with work to decrease maladaptive sexual coping mechanisms. This will include a lot of self-reflection, working on self-awareness, and developing alternative coping strategies while continuing to challenge negative beliefs and attitudes. All of which can be successfully worked through. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing, not just a coping mechanism. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"See the full list here! References Algorani EB, Gupta V. Coping Mechanisms. [Updated 2023 Apr 24]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2023 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559031/
Fontanesi, L., Marchetti, D., Limoncin, E., Rossi, R., Nimbi, F. M., Mollaioli, D., Sansone, A., Colonnello, E., Simonelli, C., Di Lorenzo, G., Jannini, E. A., & Ciocca, G. (2021). Hypersexuality and trauma: A mediation and moderation model from Psychopathology to Problematic Sexual Behavior. Journal of Affective Disorders, 281, 631–637. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2020.11.100 R221121. (2023, July 12). Is sex your coping mechanism? here’s how to stop. Healthshots. https://www.healthshots.com/how-to/sex-as-coping-mechanism-how-to-stop-it/ As you know this season of Love is Blind was full of drama and things to discuss. I am going to only discuss one portion for the purposes of this blog – and that is Clay talking about how he is afraid of cheating on AD. He says it so many times it sounds like a threat more than a discussion. Infidelity is a choice…but Clay had good reason to be worried about cheating due to his family history of infidelity. Clay had the right idea discussing his fears of cheating with AD, but he didn’t have the right follow-up or execution. When Infidelity is NormalizedIf you grow up seeing your parents or other role models doing certain things you are likely to emulate it. Even if you see these things and think you never want that to be you. Sometimes our unconscious gravitates toward the familiar even if that is not in our best interest.  How to “Cheat Proof” Your RelationshipTalk About it with Your Partner Clay told AD that growing up he saw his dad and other male role models cheating. He said this led him to believe that this is what men did. I appreciate his honesty in telling her his fears about his own ability to stay faithful. But if sharing these fears with AD is the only thing he ever does to stay faithful he likely won’t be successful. Seek Therapy & Understand Your Values Clay should seek therapy and do a deep dive into what he witnessed and how it made him feel. He needs to intentionally sort out what he wants his own values to be in his marriage related to fidelity and make sure he is living by those each day. It is not sufficient to simply have the value to “not cheat”. What are the values that lead you to the conclusion that cheating is not something you want to be a part of your relationship? Sample Values Related to Fidelity
Co-create and abide by a marriage agreement around fidelity What do we each consider cheating? What do we consider inappropriate behavior that could lead to cheating? Some examples of things to discuss are listed below. Please note that just because a topic or behavior is on this list doesn’t automatically make it cheating or make someone likely to cheat. These are topics that everyone in a romantic/sexual relationship should discuss and come to an agreement on.
 Consider talking to a couples therapist or online therapistSo Clay…if you’re reading this…remember that just admitting you’re afraid to cheat isn’t enough. Start with this list and go from there. And that goes for anyone else who may be afraid of sabotaging relationships with infidelity. Set your relationship up for success! Read about other seasons of Love is Blind here, or read more about couples therapy and marriage counseling hot topics on our therapy blog. (Not sure what ENM means? Do you need a sex room? (spoiler alert: YES, you do need a sex room!) Thinking about opening your relationship? Interested in knowing more about self-love and pleasure?) Of course, if you're anywhere in Minnesota and want to connect, we would love to talk with you about relationships, sexual concerns, trauma and PTSD, and more.
Sex Therapy and Couples Counseling Services in MinnesotaOur LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Our mental health services include sex therapy, therapy around sex and substances, couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"!!!Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, Josalin Brausen, Masters Intern Therapist There is a myth out there I want to bust - that you cannot honor and explore your queerness when in a committed, long-term relationship with a straight partner. This commonly believed myth perpetuates so much stigma and imposter syndrome within queer individuals who are with a straight partner or in a “straight passing” relationship. It can lead people to feeling like they don’t truly fit in anywhere, not with the LGBTQIA+ community but also not in the heterosexual space. I want to shatter this narrative. In this blog post I will dive into ways you can honor your queerness when with a straight partner, and spoiler alert, the answer is not just to have queer sex outside of the relationship. First Up - Shift Your Narrative Around Relationships and Queerness If you are feeling a sense of imposter syndrome with your queer identity because you are with a straight partner, or in a straight-passing relationship, it’s important to first define what being queer means to you. You may be facing quite a bit of homophobia or invalidation from others - people telling you it was “just a phase”, or accusations of lying about your identity or that you’re just looking for attention. These false narratives and microaggressions can be extremely difficult to break free from. They limit what being queer looks like to a very narrow window of acceptability, claiming you have to be with a certain person or look a certain way to “fit in.” However, the truth is that YOU get to define what being queer means for you. Your partner or how you look does not define your sexuality or gender identity. YOU DO. As much as I wish I didn’t have to write that, it’s common for people to need this reminder, because of our societal expectations. Below I will share some ways you can honor and express your queerness, but you are free to do whatever feels right for you, and be creative! |
