Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT In the last 15 years of my career as a sex therapist, I have learned that a lot of people are concerned with sexual behaviors that have become compulsive or out of control. Whether it's pornography, excessive masturbation, or acting out in other ways, many individuals feel trapped by their sexual desires. They often wonder if there’s a way out or if they’re too far gone to change. I promise you, you are not too far gone, and things can change if you want them to! Whether you prefer to come to our Plymouth, MN office or take advantage of online counseling for problematic sexual behavior- we can help! First things first: the language we used in defining this problem![]()
Many sex therapists (including all who practice at Sexual Wellness Institute) believe calling it sex addiction is not accurate. This is because our brains do not process sex, pornography, masturbation, etc in the same way it processes substances. We want to meet clients where they are at, but if you ask us, we’d rather call it problematic sexual behavior or out-of-control sexual behavior. Note: For the sake of this article what we call this issue will be varied so that the people searching for help can find it! Here are some of the advantages of engaging in online therapy in Minnesota for concerns related to sexual behavior:1. Confidentiality and Comfort:One of the greatest hurdles for someone struggling with sex addiction is the fear of being judged or stigmatized. There’s a deep sense of shame that often accompanies sex and masturbation. The very thought of seeking help can feel overwhelming due to embarrassment, guilt, or fear of being misunderstood. Online counseling in Minnesota offers a level of privacy that can significantly reduce these concerns. It allows clients to attend sessions from the comfort of their own homes, where they feel safe and secure. There’s also no need to worry about running into someone they know in a waiting room. 2. Accessibility to Specialized Therapists:![]() Online therapy opens the door to a world of specialists who may not be accessible locally. For individuals living in small towns or rural areas, finding a therapist with expertise in sex addiction/problematic sexual behavior can be challenging. With online counseling, you’re no longer limited by geographical boundaries. You have access to therapists who are trained and experienced in dealing with sexual behaviors, addictions, and the emotional complexities that come with them. We pride ourselves at Sexual Wellness Institute in being highly trained therapists, particularly in the realm of sexual concerns. We want you to feel like you are in the right hands. 3. Flexibility in Scheduling:Another reason online sex addiction counseling can be incredibly helpful is the flexibility it offers. Many individuals with out-of-control sexual behavior have busy lives, filled with work commitments, family obligations, and other responsibilities. Finding the time for in-person therapy can be a challenge. Online therapy, however, allows you to schedule sessions at times that are most convenient for you. Whether it's after work, during lunch breaks, or later at night, online counseling fits into your life, not the other way around. This ease of access makes it more likely that you’ll follow through with therapy and commit to making the changes you need. 4. Ongoing Support and Accountability:Sex addiction is rarely resolved overnight. It’s an ongoing journey, and recovery requires long-term support and accountability. Online sex addiction counseling can offer continuous access to professional help, whether through regular sessions or check-ins between appointments. Even if you haven’t seen us in a while, we always welcome you back with any pop-ups of concern. Consider Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MNSex addiction is a complex and challenging issue, but it is possible to overcome it with the right help. Online sex addiction counseling provides a unique opportunity to access affordable, confidential, and specialized care in a format that works for your lifestyle. Whether you’re just starting on your journey of discovery, or you’ve tried therapy before and are looking for a fresh approach, online counseling can provide the support and tools necessary to create lasting change. If you're struggling with sex addiction, don’t wait to reach out. Online counseling in Minnesota is an accessible and powerful tool that can help you regain control of your life and start the healing process.
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"
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Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT As a Minnesota sex therapist, I often encounter clients grappling with the term "sex addiction." It's a phrase that stirs up strong emotions and evokes vivid images in the media and popular culture. For some, it represents an uncontrollable urge to engage in sexual behaviors, while for others, it can signify a moral or social failing. However, when we turn to scientific research and clinical practice, the term "sex addiction" is increasingly seen as an inaccurate and problematic label. Let's delve into why this term doesn't hold up under scrutiny from a scientific and therapeutic standpoint and why we need a more nuanced, evidence-based understanding of human sexuality. The Roots of the "Sex Addiction" Concept![]() The concept of sex addiction gained traction in the 1980s and 1990s, particularly in the wake of high-profile cases and media portrayals. Prominent individuals, such as public figures and celebrities, admitted to having “sex addiction,” which only added to the narrative that excessive sexual behavior was a sign of a serious, diagnosable disorder. Books, documentaries, and therapies marketed to address "sex addiction" created a framework where sexual behavior was likened to substance abuse or gambling addiction. The basic premise behind the term is that some individuals experience an overwhelming compulsion to engage in sexual activity, leading to negative consequences in their personal, professional, or social lives. However, as we explore the science of human sexuality, we quickly discover that the label doesn’t align well with what we know about sexual behavior and mental health. The Problem with "Addiction" in the Context of SexAddiction is defined as a psychological condition characterized by compulsive engagement in a behavior despite negative consequences. It usually involves an escalating pattern of use (e.g., with drugs or alcohol), where the individual builds tolerance and experiences withdrawal symptoms when they can’t engage in the behavior. These elements—tolerance, withdrawal, and escalation—are hallmarks of many well-established addictions, such as substances or gambling. This research study was the first to look at these concepts with folks trying to abstain from pornography for 7 days. They concluded that there were no negative abstinence effects (like withdrawal) for these people. While some people may experience difficulty controlling their sexual behavior, the idea that sexual desire or activity can be analogous to drug addiction doesn't hold up scientifically. There’s no evidence to suggest that sexual behavior operates on the same neural pathways or mechanisms as substance addiction. Unlike substances, sex is a basic human need and a fundamental part of our biology. Furthermore, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), which is used by mental health professionals to diagnose psychiatric disorders, does not recognize "sex addiction" as a formal condition. Is There Really a "Compulsion" to Have Sex?Many who identify with the term “sex addiction” report feeling a compulsion or an uncontrollable urge to engage in sexual behavior. However, it’s crucial to distinguish between compulsivity and desire. Sexual urges are natural, and at times, they can be intense. But feeling driven to act on sexual impulses is not inherently pathological. It is when those urges lead to distress, harm, or dysfunction in life that they may be indicative of something more complex—such as anxiety, trauma, or attachment issues. Ie: wanting to have sex or masturbate is completely normal! In therapeutic settings, it’s often more productive to explore the underlying psychological and emotional factors contributing to a person’s sexual behavior. For instance, some individuals may engage in high-frequency sexual behavior as a way of coping with trauma, loneliness, stress, or unresolved emotional pain. In such cases, what we are really dealing with is not "addiction" but maladaptive coping mechanisms that require addressing the root causes. The Danger of Pathologizing Normal Sexual Behavior & the Role of ShameOne of the most concerning aspects of labeling someone as a “sex addict” is the risk of pathologizing normal variations in sexual behavior. Human sexuality is diverse, and people’s desires and behaviors vary widely. For some, a high libido and a strong desire for frequent sex are part of a healthy sexual identity. For others, less frequent sexual activity or celibacy may be the norm. These variations do not necessarily indicate a psychological disorder. By labeling individuals with high sexual desires or varied sexual practices as "addicts," we risk reinforcing harmful stigma and shame around sexuality. This can lead to unnecessary therapy, medical treatments, and even self-loathing when what may actually be needed is a deeper understanding of one’s needs, desires, and boundaries. A More Helpful Approach: Understanding the Underlying Issues![]() As sex therapists, our goal is not to label or stigmatize our clients but to help them identify and understand their sexual values. Rather than focusing on a “diagnosis,” it’s more beneficial to look at the following areas:
Values-Based Treatment in Sex TherapySexual values-based treatment for issues often called "sex addiction" focuses on helping people connect their sexual behaviors with their core values, rather than treating it as a compulsion or disorder. This approach encourages individuals to explore their beliefs about sex and how those beliefs shape their actions. By identifying what matters most to them—like respect, trust, intimacy, and mutual consent—people can make more thoughtful choices about their sexual lives. Instead of labeling sexual behavior as an addiction, this method empowers individuals to take control and create healthier, more meaningful relationships, both with themselves and with others. It’s about living in a way that feels true to one’s values and promoting overall sexual well-being. Consider Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MNOur sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"See the full list here!
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, Sophie Pimsler, MA LMFT *Disclaimer: The majority of this blog is addressing issues pertaining to cisgender women in heterosexual relationships. However, that does not discount the impact of ARE experiences of LGBTQIA+ identified individuals. Religion & Sex![]() Religious experiences can profoundly shape our identities, yet for some, they leave behind deep pain and unresolved struggles. As a sex therapist specializing in Adverse Religious Experiences (ARE), I help individuals navigate the lasting impact of these challenges on their lives and well-being. Through open discussions about sexuality, I often guide clients in exploring how their religious beliefs have influenced their sexual health and relationships. This approach allows us to examine how these experiences affect overall mental health, including intimacy, libido, performance anxiety, and emotional connections. Issues like familial abandonment, community isolation, and the harm caused by purity culture are often at the core of these struggles. A common challenge I encounter involves significant distress among religiously-identified, heterosexual women regarding their sexual relationships with their husbands. Many of these women wrestle with reconciling their beliefs and sexual experiences, leading to confusion and frustration. Despite "saving" themselves for marriage, they often find it difficult to relax and enjoy intimacy. Some even experience physical pain during sex, yet feel compelled to endure it, believing it is their "duty" to satisfy their husbands. Many clients have shared that when they sought guidance from clergy or elders in their religious community, their pain was minimized or normalized. This leaves them questioning what is “wrong” with their bodies and feeling emotionally distressed about their role in the relationship, as they feel unable to please their spouse. Defining Purity Culture![]() Purity culture, rooted in conservative Christian interpretations—particularly within evangelical and fundamentalist branches—promotes sexual abstinence before marriage, often linking a person’s moral worth to their sexual behavior. Women, in particular, are encouraged to remain "pure" for their future spouse, with symbols like purity rings or pledges reinforcing this commitment. While purity culture is most closely associated with conservative Christianity, it also exists in other religions.
Impact on Sexual Education and HealthIn communities dominated by purity culture, sex education is often replaced with abstinence-only programs, which have been shown to be less effective at preventing teen pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) compared to comprehensive sex education. Studies indicate that teens who receive comprehensive education are less likely to experience unintended pregnancies. Moreover, abstinence-only education frequently neglects crucial topics such as consent and healthy sexual communication, leaving individuals unprepared for balanced and respectful relationships. This gap in education can negatively impact sexual health, making it harder to make informed decisions about contraception and boundaries. Sex Therapy Can Help![]() To address the impact of purity culture, it is essential to cultivate a compassionate and comprehensive understanding of sexuality, one that prioritizes consent, communication, and mutual respect. This approach helps individuals break free from the shame and guilt tied to rigid notions of sexual "purity," empowering them to make informed choices about their bodies. By recognizing that a person’s worth is not tied to their sexual history, individuals can rebuild healthier self-esteem and stronger relationships. Healing also involves adjusting unrealistic expectations about sex, especially those shaped by purity culture. Many people are taught that marriage will automatically make sex fulfilling simply because they wait. I often use the analogy of a light switch with my clients: religious teachings suggest that once you're married, sex will be as simple as flipping a switch, instantly enjoyable. However, entering marriage without a clear understanding of one’s own body or sexual preferences often leads to confusion and frustration. Sexual satisfaction requires communication, mutual exploration, and patience. Therapy can play a crucial role in helping couples navigate these adjustments, fostering intimacy, and fostering a more realistic understanding of a healthy sexual connection. In my practice as a sex therapist, I work with both individuals and couples to unlearn the harmful messages instilled by purity culture and other limiting belief systems. By addressing unrealistic expectations and exploring sexual health and emotional well-being, therapy promotes healing and helps individuals develop a more balanced and nuanced perspective on sexuality. This process often includes discussing personal values, enhancing communication skills, and recognizing the importance of consent and mutual respect in relationships. Therapy also supports individuals in confronting and processing feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety related to their sexual experiences. Interested in Starting Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MN?As clients work through these emotions, they frequently find they can embrace their sexuality in a healthier way, which leads to improved self-esteem and more fulfilling relationships. Ultimately, this therapeutic journey empowers clients to redefine their understanding of intimacy and sex—recognizing that they are distinct concepts—enabling them to engage in their relationships more authentically and without shame. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT So things might not be going that well with your sex life. Or, maybe they are going okay, but you wonder if I could be better but you’re not sure how to approach it. Here are 5 questions to ask your partner about sex that will help you have a greater understanding of their desires, boundaries, and preferences. I hope this ignites some great conversations to create deeper intimacy with you and your partner(s)! 1. What do you enjoy most about our sex life?![]() Why It Matters: This question is a fantastic opener for discussions about pleasure and connection. By asking your partner what they enjoy, you’re not only inviting them to share their favorite experiences but also signaling that their pleasure is a priority for you. How to Approach It: Set the mood for a relaxed conversation—maybe during a cozy evening at home or while enjoying a quiet dinner. You might say something like, “I’ve been thinking about what makes our time together special. What parts of our sex life do you love the most?” This can lead to insights about specific acts, settings, or emotional connections that heighten their enjoyment. It’s also a chance to explore if there are aspects you might not have considered before! 2. Are there any fantasies or desires you’ve wanted to explore?Why It Matters: Discussing fantasies can be incredibly liberating. It creates a safe space for both partners to express their desires without judgment, encouraging vulnerability and trust. If it goes well your partner will feel really seen and understood by you sexually. This question can also open doors to new adventures that bring excitement to your relationship. How to Approach It: Try to initiate this conversation when you both feel relaxed and connected. You might say, “I love learning more about you. Are there any fantasies you’ve thought about but haven’t shared yet?” Listen attentively, and remember that this is about exploration, not pressure. If your partner shares something unexpected, approach it with curiosity—ask follow-up questions to understand their vision and see how you can both make it a reality. 3. How do you feel about our current level of intimacy?![]() Why It Matters: Intimacy goes beyond the physical; it encompasses emotional closeness and connection. This question helps assess whether both partners feel satisfied and supported in their relationship. It opens the door for discussing any feelings of distance or disconnection that may need addressing. How to Approach It: Find a quiet moment when you both feel comfortable. You could say, “I’ve been thinking about how we connect with each other. How do you feel about our level of intimacy?” Pay attention to your partner’s feelings—this is a chance to listen and validate their experiences. Whether they express joy, concern, or a desire for change, responding with empathy can lead to deeper understanding and stronger bonds. 4. What are your boundaries when it comes to sex?Why It Matters: Understanding boundaries is crucial for ensuring both partners feel safe and respected. This question allows for clear communication about what is acceptable and what isn’t, helping to build trust and confidence in your sexual relationship. How to Approach It: Bring this topic up in a calm and supportive atmosphere. You might say, “I think it’s important for us to know each other’s boundaries. What are some things that feel comfortable for you, and are there any hard limits I should be aware of?” Encourage your partner to express their thoughts freely, and share your own boundaries as well. This can create a collaborative atmosphere where both partners feel empowered to explore within safe parameters. 5. How can we improve our sexual relationship?![]() Why It Matters: This question promotes a mindset of growth and teamwork. It invites both partners to reflect on their experiences and come together to create a more satisfying sexual relationship. It’s about building a shared vision for intimacy. No matter how good your sex life is, there’s always room for more conversations on how to fine tune it. So don’t think of this as a conversation to dump on your sexual relationship but more of a way to continue to grow together sexually. How to Approach It: Introduce this conversation by expressing your desire for a fulfilling sex life for both of you. You could say, “I really value our time together and want to make sure we’re both getting what we need. How do you think we can enhance our sexual relationship?” Encourage your partner to share their thoughts, and be open to their suggestions. Whether it’s trying new things, setting aside more time for intimacy, or discussing emotional needs, this dialogue can lead to actionable steps that elevate your connection. Interested in Starting Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MN?Having these conversations may feel daunting at first, but the benefits far outweigh the initial discomfort. By asking these questions and truly listening to your partner’s responses, you create an environment of trust and intimacy that can enhance your sexual relationship. Remember, the goal is not just to talk about sex, but to deepen your emotional connection and understanding of one another. Embrace the journey together! Need to talk with someone other than your partner first? Or, process how that conversation went? Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you. We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"As a Minnesota couples therapist who digs Love is Blind, I was intrigued to see how the UK version would compare to its US counterpart. One thing that struck me was the noticeable level of emotional intelligence displayed by many contestants in the UK show. Emotional Intelligence: the IngredientsOne of the most refreshing aspects of Love Is Blind UK was the level of emotional maturity exhibited by many of the contestants. This contrasts with some other reality dating shows, where emotional intelligence can sometimes take a backseat to drama and conflict. Let's explore the key aspects of emotional intelligence that were prominently displayed throughout the show: Open Communication & Assertiveness:![]() Many contestants were willing to discuss their feelings, fears, and expectations openly. They engaged in honest dialogues about their past relationships, insecurities, and hopes for the future. This openness laid the groundwork for deeper connections and mutual understanding. One time I really appreciated this was with Tom & Maria. They obviously had different views on gender roles in a marriage. I really appreciated how both made their values clear knowing the other didn’t agree. Tom got a lot of heat for this, but I appreciate his directness in letting Maria know that he wanted a partner with ambition in her career and didn’t want his partner to stay home with the kids. Maria had opposite values about this and was also very clear about it. Gender roles in a marriage are a very important thing to be on the same page with, so I admire the risk it took in them putting it out there. Active Listening: |