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Valentines Day is coming up! Feeling romantic but not sure what to do? We’ve compiled a list of a few different ideas of places to go as a couple in Plymouth, MN. As a fun add on to date night we included topics to discuss or things to do as a part of making the most out of your date night! These are all great things to do outside of Valentines Day as well, and many are even kid friendly.

​Cocina de Ana is a local business that has oven ready meals available for pick up. Try the pollo con adobo! Once you get home and have your goodies in the oven, download the app “Gottman Card Decks” go to the “love maps” questions. These are questions designed to get at deeper level conversations than you may be used to doing in order to increase your knowing of one another. Extra bonus: try the “sex questions” to learn more about what each other desires.

You could start the night off with dinner at your favorite restaurant and then grab some popcorn
and snuggle up for a great movie at Plymouth Grand 15. If you’d like to go to dinner right near the theater we suggest Kobe for some fun Hibachi. 

There’s something for everyone when it comes to winter rentals in the area. At French Regional Park, you can rent snowshoes for $6 a pair (two hour time limit), cross country skis for $14 a pair (two hour time limit), or sleds for free! Winter activities not your thing? No worries! Go for a walk along one of the many trails at French Regional Park and talk about what you admire most about each other.

Grab a beer and some pizza and talk about some of your favorite memories from your relationship so far. For extra points start dreaming of your next trip together. Luce Line Brewing Co is a great spot to have an intimate, yet casual conversation. Near by this brewery is also the luce line trail which is great for walking.

​Bring your own skates or rent some for $5 a pair. There is open skating on Tuesday afternoons and Friday evenings. Check their schedule for exact times. You can even turn this into a fun competition- whoever falls the least amount of times gets to pick where you have dinner! Or every time someone falls they have to say one thing they love about you.

From yoga and dance classes, to open court times for pickleball, they offer a variety of ways to get your body moving and try something new with your partner(s)! If you want to keep it more low key just do some laps around their indoor walking track while talking about your first date. What do you remember about it?

Slow down and be present with your partner(s) during a relaxing couples massage. After the massage discuss ways that you each like to be touched- and get specific!
Examples:

• I like when you rub my shoulders.
• I like when you kiss me all over.
• I like light touch that builds up to more firm touch
• I like soft and gentle kisses
• I like when you touch me over my clothing

We hope you found this list useful and it encourages you to try something new with your love(s) this Valentine’s Day! If you want some support, our couples and marriage therapists want to help you with sex therapy or marriage counseling here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:

1. Contact the Sexual Wellness Institute to set up your first appointment.
2. Meet with one of our skilled sex therapists for an intake appointment.
3. Begin building better communication with your partner, overcome sexual concerns and experience new fun and intimacy in your relationship!​

See the full list here!

On a recent trip to the gynecologist, I was asked by a nurse to describe the pain I was experiencing in my “private parts.” Was she talking about my vagina? Labia? Breast? I had no way of knowing. Throughout the conversation, it was unclear if we were communicating about the same body parts because of her vague vocabulary and apparent discomfort talking about genitals. This failure to use anatomically accurate words to describe female genitals has become somewhat ubiquitous, showing itself in conversations with friends and even in a medical setting. Slang words like pussy, vajayjay, downstairs, private parts, crotch, honey pot, and beaver have become universal as a catchall phrase for all parts of female genitalia to the point that many people do not know the difference between the vagina and the vulva. I work with several clients who show embarrassment when I use words like clitoris and instead opt for euphemisms, such as “down there.” In pop culture, we feel comfortable with songs like WAP (Wet Ass Pussy), but rarely hear the word vulva on TV. So you might be wondering, does it matter what words we use to describe our sexual organs? What’s wrong with slang words if it is more comfortable for me?

In terms of sex therapy, it is important for the client(s) and the therapist to be on the same page about what is going well and what needs improvement related to your sexual experiences. It may be challenging to make progress towards your goals without a basic understanding of your body and knowing how to talk about it with others. Similarly, being able to instruct your partner with detailed information sets you both up for satisfying sexual experiences. Without a shared vocabulary, you may not be able to express exactly how and where you like to be touched. While understanding your sexual anatomy can be an important first step toward more fulfilling sexual experiences, I would argue that knowledge about your own body is essential at an even more basic level. You need to have the vocabulary to describe what part of your body hurts to a doctor. Imagine if you went to the ER with a broken leg and the only word that you had to describe your shin, knee, thigh, and ankle was “limb.” It could be pretty challenging for a doctor to help if there was no way of pinpointing exactly where it hurt. Now imagine you go to the gynecologist, and you only know the word “private parts” to describe everything from your cervix to your clitoris. Again, it would be challenging for a doctor to understand your pain and help alleviate the issue. In order to receive healthcare services and make informed decisions about our bodies, a basic understanding of our reproductive anatomy is essential.

Before we get to the solution, I want to convey to you that this isn’t your fault! Discomfort around talking about genitals, particularly female genitals, is deeply ingrained in our society and starts at a young age. Think about how your parents talked to you when you were growing up and started to show curiosity about your body. I often hear parents tell their children not to touch their “no-no parts” in public, or not to reveal their “private square” to strangers. Although children continue to develop both physically and emotionally, their vocabulary for genitals plateaus with slang words and euphemisms. This is only exacerbated by an abysmal sexual education system that often leaves children with fear of STIs and pregnancies and without a comprehensive understanding of their own bodies and anatomy. Not only does this leave us at a disadvantage in sex therapy and healthcare settings, but it also breeds shame about our bodies. If you can’t name your vagina, how can you expect to accept, appreciate, and even love it?

If you feel uncomfortable using anatomical descriptors, I have some tips for you. First, brush up on your vocabulary! Look at a diagram of a vulva, label what you know, and inquire about the parts that you can’t name. Where is the perineum? What is the mons pubis? Once you feel confident with this new lexicon, try pointing to each of these parts of your own body. Looking in a mirror or feeling with your fingers, identify your labia, your clitoris, and your vaginal opening. No matter how acquainted you feel with your body, there is always more to learn and explore. Next, clarify what you are referring to when you are in conversation with others. If a friend starts talking about washing their “puss,” ask them to elaborate in order to ensure that you understand what they are saying. You can continue to practice in safe places, like in the doctor’s office, with your therapist, and around close friends or family. It will get easier over time. Of course, sexual slang has its place, and I don’t want to discourage anyone from naming their genitals with words that feel fitting. However, I also want to empower everyone to be familiar with all their reproductive body parts in order to be able to make informed decisions about their body, convey information in healthcare settings, and increase satisfaction with sex.

​Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns through sex therapy in Minnesota. You can begin t0 overcome problematic sexual behaviors, heal, reconnect and thrive in your relationship through these simple steps:

1. Contact the Sexual Wellness Institute to set up your first appointment.
2. Meet with one of our skilled sex therapists for an intake appointment.
3. Finally feel more comfortable and confident about your sexual health and presence.

See the full list here!

The first thing we want to understand is that erections are complicated. This isn't as simple as seeing a person you're attracted to and getting an erection. I like to think about erections as the result of a simple equation: Turn-ons - Turn-offs = do you have an erection? A positive number means yes and a negative one means no. So, let's look at where people most often get confused, scared, or even hurt in dealing with the loss of erection. It can be easy to jump to feeling broken, or for a partner to feel that you're not attracted to them. Most people look to the "turn on" side of things for a solution. They stop masturbating so they're more excited for sex, buy some lingerie so they'll be sexy enough to give their partner an erection, or even seek out medication. But people still consistently end up in my office looking for help with erections because most of the time these things don't work. They're addressing the wrong part of the equation. The number one killer of erection is "turn offs", and the most common one is anxiety.​

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