Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT
I have been recently inspired by the Netflix original series How to Build a Sex Room and want to share with you why I think we all need a sex room. This show is like the sexy version of HGTV.
What is a sex room?
First, what is a sex room? Put simply, it’s a place where you get intimate with yourself and/or partner or partners.
This can be your bedroom or a different room in your house.
Why do you need a sex room?
Think about your bedroom for a second.
Is it clean?
Is it a place you want to be?
Does it give sexy vibes?
Are any sex toys easily accessible?
If you answered no to any of these questions, you need a sex room.
Everyone needs a sex room.
If you’ve watched How to Build a Sex Room, you’ve likely noticed that there were all kinds of folks on there. Poly families, vanilla couples, kinky couples, couples with and without children, gay couples, singles, etc. Many couples had specific requests for their rooms. Some needed suspension bars to hang from the ceiling, some wanted a one-way mirror to engage their voyeur tendencies, and some just simply needed a few sex toys.
The show’s host, Melanie Rose, talks couples through their various likes and needs for their sex room. And it may just give you some new ideas! While some folks knew exactly what they wanted, some really needed some help in that area. She brought one couple to a sex toy store and explained different toys and how they work. To most couples, she suggested sexy furniture that is both visually appealing and functional. She also took sexy boudoir photos of the couples to display in the room. One woman even discovered her love for rope bondage! You also don’t need to be partnered to have a sex room. In the last episode, we meet Lisa, who shows us that you can utilize a sex room by yourself and with casual partners.
I want to be clear: You don’t need to be kinky to benefit from a sex room.
If this show teaches us anything, it’s that everyone deserves an intentional place to be intimate. "How to Build a Sex Room" also reinforces sex positivity. We should all be discussing what we need in order to feel sexy.
So how do you go about building a sex room?
So, let’s say you are going to use your bedroom. First, clean that room until it’s sparkling. Get all the clutter and unnecessary items out. Make sure all of your clothes have a place in a dresser or closet. Now, let’s think about what you might want in there. Here are some suggestions and why they are important:
Sex toys and a way to display them in an easily accessible and visually appealing way.
This can be a nice basket or some shelves to display them on. The toys include things like the following: vibrators, suction toys, nipple clamps, restraints, blindfolds, feathers, floggers, strap-ons, anal plugs, and so much more!
Nice, comfortable, and sexy bedding.
Think high thread count, silk, sexy colors, etc. Add throw pillows so the bed looks aesthetically pleasing when made.
Yes - everyone could benefit from some type of sex furniture! Why is it better than the bed, you ask? First of all, accessibility. Sex is for ALL bodies.
Sex furniture, like a bouncing sex stool (pictured here), can help with the work of being on top. A sex chaise (pictured above) or ramp gives you more comfort in various positions, as well as the ability to optimize angles for increased sexual pleasure.
Learn more about different types of sex furniture here:
To admire your sexy self, of course!
This can mean different things to everyone but could include lingerie, role-play costumes, clothes that have feel-good fabrics, leather, etc.
Sex up your bathroom.
You can clean up in a sexy way together. A nice big bathtub for two (or more!)
...for consensual filming and watching together or separately later.
This can be candles, gorgeous lighting, sexy décor, music, etc
Your sex room is first and foremost, for YOU.
Whatever you fancy, design a sex room that includes the things you enjoy as well as things that allow you to push boundaries in a safe and sexy way. It was inspiring to watch these people become more empowered in their sexuality. Building a sex room allows you to have a room in your house that you feel excited to have sex in – which, let's face it, we all need a little added excitement in this department sometimes!
Consider Talking to a Sex Therapist in Plymouth, MN
I hope this has helped you get used to the idea of sex rooms, exploring sensual spaces, sacred spaces and getting this conversation started with your partner! Consider these other Sexual Wellness Institute blog posts for information on how to use BDSM, help you consider how to try BDSM or incorporate other erotic play into your sex life! In the meantime, consider talking with a professional to get your questions answered. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:
Other Relationship & Mental Health Services in Minnesota
In addition to couples therapy & marriage counseling, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include sex therapy, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, and more. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled therapist! Your love life can be amazing.
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