Good Things Come to Those That Wait: How to Last A Little Longer In Bed

Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg-Sasek, MS LMFT

Want to extend the sexual experience? Prolong your orgasm? This is a problem that men often struggle with. 

First, let me say, your length of intercourse is probably more normal than you think.  The average length of penetrative penis in vagina intercourse is around 3-7 minutes. In fact, in order to qualify for early ejaculation disorder in the diagnostic and statistical manual (DSM) 5th edition, you would have to be ejaculating regularly in less than a minute. 

With that being said, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to last a little longer - it can give you more build up and ultimately a better orgasm, and it can help your partner enjoy more time as well. 
Here are some tips to extend the experience.

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Lasting Longer in Bed: Tip #1

Stop thinking about baseball. Or your grandma. Or whatever mundane or unsexual thing you think will help you last longer. This. Doesn’t. Work. 

It actually works against you. It gets you out of your body and your pleasure and in your head, which is not where you want to be. Get into your pleasure by noticing it. Notice the sensations in your body. Notice where you are feeling anything good, tingly, warm, etc. Breathe deeply and bring your awareness non-judgmentally to those areas and enjoy the pleasure.

Tip #2: Notice Your Arousal Levels

So, while you’re getting into your body and into your sensations take gentle and non-critical noticing of your arousal level. Rate your arousal on a scale of 1-10. Anything above a 7 means you should back off whatever you’re doing just a little, which doesn’t mean stop, it means don’t keep going as hard and fast and slow down. Anything below a 7 just means keep enjoying!

We are taught to get really excited quickly about sex, but it goes better if you can build your arousal levels slowly. This helps you to slow, enjoy the experience, and hopefully last a little longer! 

Also, never start penetration at a 9/10 arousal level. Or for some people maybe over 8/10. This means you’re highly aroused and more likely to ejaculate quickly due to that high arousal and excitement. Try to penetrate at about a 7-8 arousal level. 

Tip #3: R-E-L-A-X Your Pelvis

Relax your pelvic floor muscles. Pretend you are urinating and you want stop the stream of urine. That muscle you use to stop urination is your pelvic floor muscle. Sometimes we tighten this muscle during sex and often it brings more pleasure and arousal for men – and in turn a faster orgasm. Exercising your pelvic floor muscles by tightening and releasing them several times per day can also strengthen them and make it more likely you’ll be able to use them correctly during penetration.

Tip #4 for Lasting Longer in Bed: Talk About It

Talk to your partner. Share your feelings, anxieties, and shame about this. You’d be surprised what getting this out will do for you. Likely you are assuming all kinds of things your partner is thinking about your sex life. Stop assuming. Share and ask! 

Tip #5: Talk to Your Doctor About Sexual Concerns

Talk to your doctor. There can be biological/medical causes to this issue and best to talk to your doctor to rule them out. These can include: Abnormal hormone levels, abnormal levels of neurotransmitters in the brain, inflammation/infection, and more.

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No Pressure...Quickies Are Sexy Too!

These are some of the things you can try to last longer in bed but remember - sometimes there’s really nothing like a quickie too! There’s room for all kinds of sex. Give these things a try and see how it goes! 

Curious About Starting Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MN?

Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:

1. Contact the Sexual Wellness Institute to set up your first appointment.
2. Meet with one of our skilled sex therapists for an intake appointment.
3. Begin building better communication with your partner, overcome sexual concerns and experience new fun and intimacy in your relationship!​

Other Mental Health Services in Minnesota

​In addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.