Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, Eric Anfinson There's nothing wrong with a little "self Love"I want to state right away that when used ethically and responsibly pornography, can be a perfectly healthy and positive part of your solo sex life and can be a fun inclusion with a partner as well. Masturbation is fairly ubiquitous among men and the large majority of women as well. When used as a healthy way to meet sexual needs masturbation actually has a lot of benefits including better sleep, improved heart health, and even a reduced rate of prostate cancer in men. A study from Harvard Medical School showed that men who ejaculated 21 times or more a month had a whopping 33% reduced risk of prostate cancer. On top of the physical benefits, masturbation helps you learn about your own body. It allows us to learn what really feels good for us so that we can achieve even better orgasms. This also allows us to then communicate that information to our partners so we can have better partnered sexual experiences as well. How are you supposed to tell your partner what feels good for you if you've never explored it? Masturbation also helps us develop mindful awareness of sensation during sex which gives increased control over arousal, orgasm, and erection. It also feels pretty good. So with all of this great stuff what's the problem? When used improperly, pornography and masturbation can cause some serious problems, and in quarantine, these are even harder to deal with. The Problem with PornographyIn modern culture porn has become very widespread and is very easily accessible. In fact, the average age of first porn viewing in the United States is just 11 years old. On top of this, our media is so riddled with sexual images that it's hard to avoid seeing them, even if you aren’t trying to. At a base level this isn't so terrible. We learn what sex is in school starting around 5th grade and I certainly remembering watching "The Miracle of Birth" in health class as a middle schooler. Being exposed to sex isn't a bad thing. The first problem with porn is with how it portrays sex. The thing that many people forget is that porn is first and foremost, acting. This means that most things done are for the show or the shot, and not for the pleasure or comfort of the actors. This can lead to inexperienced people trying some pretty uncomfortable or even painful things. A lot of your run of the mill porn also doesn't treat women very well. When consumed en masse or without mindful awareness, this can lead men to start seeing women as nothing more than sex objects. It can also cause unrealistic expectations of what sexual intimacy entails. Some men are upset about being put in the "friend zone", and that might unaware the are similarly putting women in their life in the "fuck zone" where they have no value outside of a potential sexual partner. The two other biggest issues with pornography both come from what you're looking at. The first idea comes from what we'd call Visual Diet. What you're consuming has an impact on how you see things around you. A 50 year old man who watches a lot of porn with 22 year old supermodels might start having some problems getting an erection or enjoying sex with his 50 year old wife. The other idea here is escalation. Sometimes when porn is consumed very frequently or in large quantities it begins to take increasingly intense acts to achieve arousal and orgasm. If you've escalated arousal to need things your partner isn't willing to be a part of you've got yourself a problem. When 'Shucking your Corn' Turns RottenMasturbation with or without porn has a lot of benefits as stated above, it even helps reduce stress. Problems start to creep up when we're utilizing masturbation as largely a means of coping with stress instead of because we're having a sexual need. Orgasm can be a quick easy way to let off a little steam, get a rush of happy chemicals, and look at some stimulating pictures. If you're not paying attention, this can create a dopamine loop that keeps you coming back for another quick fix. I see coping with problems as having 3 steps. 1) Pause the problem until it's an appropriate time to deal with it. 2) Deal with the problem. 3) Rest and recover. Masturbation can help with step 3 but if you're using it to keep yourself stuck at step 1 you're on a slippery slope. Masturbation makes you feel good, so you do it when you feel bad, rinse and repeat. Except we're never getting to step 2 and solving the problem, so the problem grows, so you need to masturbate more, ad infinitum. So now what? Ménage à moiAs we said above, the issue here isn't porn or masturbation, but how and why we're using them. To keep porn use healthy, be mindful of what you're watching and how it portrays the people involved. There's a ton of ethically produced porn out there. The biggest issue usually comes up when we're using these things as a way to avoid dealing with a problem like feeling down, being bored, or being frustrated. If you feel like you have a problem with porn use or masturbation, be mindful when the urge to use them comes up. What are you feeling? What other things need to be taken care of? Then either use a healthy step 1 skill like exercise, or deal with the problem directly. The easiest way to keep masturbation healthy is to check in with yourself when you want to do it, and only follow through if it's an appropriate time, and that want is coming from a genuine sexual desire. COVID and Quarantine: Dealing with out of control sexual behavior in MinnesotaIf you haven't noticed, we're a bit trapped at home right now. Whether this is relevant to you now, or you're reading this in the future (where I really hope we can go outside again), it's important to know that we've all lost a lot of coping skills. We can't go to the gym, hang out with friends, or go to happy hour. We've lost countless ways to let out some frustration, deal with our problems, and make ourselves feel better. Whether this comes from you being quarantined now, or being sick in the future, or moving to a new city, any time we lose access to our coping skills it can be hard not to run back to masturbation as that easy way to feel better for a little while. In quarantine you're already at home, and you don't even have to have pants on to go to work. Everything is primed to make masturbation turn into something you don't want it to be. In these situations you need to find new coping skills. Find new ways to work out, to see or make new friends, to let off some steam. Now go out there and have some fun, responsibly. Ready to Start Sex Therapy or Porn Addiction Therapy in Minnesota?Don’t wait any longer to get the couples counseling or sex therapy you deserve. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns in your relationship and deal with out of control sexual behavior in Minnesota. You can begin t0 overcome problematic sexual behaviors, heal, reconnect and thrive in your relationship through these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide relationship tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out if you have questions or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.
2 Comments
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Sasek That title alone should catch your eye right? As a sex therapist I often get requests for sex toy recommendations by friends, acquaintances, clients, and colleagues. I noticed these requests increased during quarantine – which makes sense- there’s not a lot to be happy about in the word right now, combined with the fact that we’re all spending more time at home – why not get an orgasm out of it? My number one recommendation lately has been a 2 in 1 vibrator that combines clitoral suction with a dildo vibrator.Whether you are partnered or single – this sex toy is for anyone with a vulva. First things first-Why masturbate?Okay, before we get to the good stuff I want to give my plug on masturbation. Self-love, solo sex, masturbation – whatever you want to call it – is good for you. I want to make sure you female identified folks out there who might be weighed down by our patriarchal society hear me. MASTURBATION IS HEALTHYWhy is it healthy you may ask? Well, first of all, it’s sex with someone you love. Beyond that, masturbation teaches us what we like sexually without the pressure of a partner there. This can really up your sexual game. You learn what feels good, what gets you off, and then you can teach this to your partner. And by the way….most people find it sexy to be having sexual intimacy with someone who knows what they like and can ask for it. Second, masturbation is relaxing. One may even say it’s a form of meditation or mindfulness. It’s a way to forget your troubles and just connect with your body and your pleasure. Third, orgasms bring all the feel good hormones: oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin – and who can’t use more of those? The ToyYou might be thinking, what the heck is a clitoral suction vibrator? Instead of the traditional vibration on your clitoris, this creates a suction motion when you place the toy directly on the clitoris. This is a completely different sensation than using a traditional vibrator. You can buy these toys as solely having the suction part, or you can buy them as the 2 in 1 previously mentioned where it has a suction and dildo/vibrator component. If you’ve never heard of this before, here are some photos of what these things look like. It can be kind of hard to imagine before seeing them! What Are People Saying?Okay, first if you want to read some of the funniest, most descriptive reviews of your life you need to go read the amazon reviews here for this version of the 2 in 1 clitoral suction vibrator. Woman are literally praising this as their best purchase ever and are going to give you a pretty detailed description of their experience. The more recent reviews discuss how this toy was helpful to cure the boredom, loneliness, and monotony of quarantine. With permission from some of my lovely friends who have tried this device I am going to give you some of their comments here:
How to Use This VibratorI don’t think enough people describe actually how to use sex toys to maximize their effectiveness so here’s some helpful tips from the sex therapist on using clitoral suction toys. These are not going to be all the tricks in the book (please comment if you have your own – we N E E D your wisdom!).
Why you might want to try this verses a traditional vibratorTraditional vibrators are great. They are the standby, old faithful sex toys. You may want to try a suction stimulator toy if you either: A. Want to try something different in your solo or partnered sex routine, or B. For some reason or another you are struggling with having an orgasm. If the latter, the suction stimulator toy may give you a different sensation then you are used to which may help you reach orgasm more easily. Suction devices have also shown to help with sexual functioning issues with specific medical diagnoses such as MS and spinal cord injuries. One research study showed them to be beneficial in improving orgasmic and overall sexual functioning in MS and spinal cord injury patients. You don’t have to be experiencing issues in order to give this toy a whirl Sheer boredom with your normal sexual routine or daily life is reason enough! Ready to Begin Sex Therapy in Minnesota?You deserve the best sex therapy in Minnesota. Our skilled sex therapists want to help you address personal sexual concerns. In our Plymouth, MN therapy clinic, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota, we can serve you. You can begin t0 feel more physically and emotionally connected to your body, with these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out if you have questions or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, Eric AnfinsonAs a sex therapist I work with all kinds of sexual concerns. However, the one thing that I see cause more problems than anything else, is the idea that sex is a performance. I see performance anxiety listed as a reason for referral constantly, and it can mean many different symptoms are present. Sometimes it's listed as a cause for erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation. Sometimes it's getting in the way of one or both partners reaching orgasm. Performance anxiety can turn into fear, hurt, and shame, and sexual avoidance. So what do we do? The first step in understanding how to move out of this mindset is understanding where it comes from. Sex EdThe sexual education in our country is often beyond inadequate. I've heard horror stories about the things young men and women are taught about sex. So without a formal education we turn to word of mouth, movies/tv, and porn. Not surprisingly, actors giving performances aren't exactly helping us learn that sex isn't a performance. In fact they're teaching us the exact opposite of what we want to be doing. I've seen this lead to situations where both partners are acting out and performing what they think their partner wants, while one or both of them are actually miserable. Another place I see this mentality come from quite often is men wanting to prove themselves. For centuries the dominant male culture has viewed the female orgasm as a myth, or completely disregarded women's pleasure when it comes to intimacy. The idea of women enjoying sex and even being able to have stronger orgasms than men is relatively new in this country. I see many young men so eager to prove that they can please their partner that they forget sex is supposed to be pleasurable for them too. For women, our culture has taught women it is their job to please their man in bed. They aren’t taught to look for ways to increase their own pleasure. So now everyone is performing and no one is enjoying. This has consequences. Performing is WorkSo what are the consequences of the sex is a performance mentality? For both women and men the first cost is the loss of your own pleasure. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable! When your whole focus is on performing you lose access to your own enjoyment. This can lead to women losing lubrication and men losing their erections, or ejaculating prematurely. This happens because we are what we call “spectatoring”. Spectatoring is when you are watching yourself from a third party perspective having sex along with feeling self-conscious and self-critical. When you are focused on performance or “spectatoring” your thought process might sound something like:
Transforming Performance into PleasureWith everyone stuck at home together due to the COVID 19 quarantine, there's never been a better time to focus on enriching your sex life, but how do we do it? This may sound counter-intuitive but the secret to great sex is to learn to focus on your own pleasure. When I suggest to a client in therapy to focus on their pleasure I often get a dubious response. It’s hard to imagine that focusing on your body and your sensations will decrease any performance issues you may be having. This isn't saying be selfish, it's saying focus on your own experiences and feelings. For all of us to stay turned on and ready for pleasure and connection we need to be focusing on ourselves. Sounds great. But, HOW do I do this?To focus on your own pleasure, consider the following questions.
Not Always Easy, But Definitely Worth ItThis concept is certainly simple but implementing it can be tricky. We are often working against decades of conditioning and learning bad skills. This is where a therapist can be very helpful. What's holding you back? Sex Therapy in Minnesota Can Help You NowAt Sexual Wellness Institute, we specialize in sex therapy and are happy and comfortable helping you work through these vulnerable and difficult spaces. We have specific techniques and skills that can help you start to change this mentality quick, and start enjoying sex to the fullest. We even offer free 30 minute consultations to see if sex therapy is right for you. We offer HIPAA compliant Telehealth services so you can get started over video right away and transition into seeing us in person, or just see us online and avoid the commute! You can see us from anywhere in the state! Take the fear and anxiety out of your sex life, and take back your intimacy. Ready to Start Sex Therapy in Minnesota?Don’t wait any longer to get the couples counseling or sex therapy you deserve. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns in your relationship and connect with your partner in new ways. You can begin t0 overcome problematic sexual behaviors, heal, reconnect and thrive in your relationship through these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy . We also provide relationship tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out if you have questions or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.
Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda SasekQuarantine is NOT a Fantasy SuiteWhile everyone is stuck at home together, many people might be thinking that it “should” be the perfect time to increase the quality of intimacy with their partner. Unfortunately, being cooped up in the same place as your partner probably isn’t leaving you feeling particularly amorous. Read on for tips from Minnesota sex therapist to keep intimacy alive and well during an “unsexy” time. In her appropriately named book "Mating in Captivity", sex researcher Esther Perel tells us that the two times we are most attracted to our partners are: One, when they're gone, and two, when we see them in their element, following their passions. Being locked in a house together makes both of these things more than a little challenging. It may be hard, or impossible, to get space from each other during quarantine. There's also probably a lot more sitting on the couch happening than displays of passion. On top of that, we're in the middle of a global pandemic, and there's so much tension and stress in the air that we're often pulling it into our relationships without realizing it. With so many things against us how do we maintain, or even improve our intimate lives with our partners during this shelter in place order? Here are a few ways to keep that fire burning – or at least not go out completely! Distance Makes the Heart Grow FonderWhether you have a studio apartment with six hundred square feet, or a home with six thousand, it can feel like you're trapped at home with your partner. If you have kids it's evening more challenging to find space, not just from each other, but to be together as well. To make matters worse, many couples end up thinking that if they're both around, they need to be doing something together. This might be ok during a normal work week, where you're only home together for an hour or two before bed each night. Now however, many of us are home together all the time. So first let me say this, it's ok to do things apart when you're home together! Not only apart, but in different rooms if possible. Much of desire is about anticipation. We need time to miss our partners for that longing to build and grow into action. If you're with your partner all day, that desire meter isn't moving. Take some time away to do your own thing and then reconnect in an intentional way. This might look like this: you get done with work for the day and tell your spouse you’re going to hop on the treadmill for a little while and then ask them intentionally something like “I’ve been missing alone time with you lately. Can we have a date for dinner tonight away from the kids? If you get them fed I can take care of everything else – meet me in the basement at 7:00 PM and I’ll have everything ready”. See how that is different than just showing up for dinner as usual? You’re being intentional about showing love to your partner and with a plan of action to be together. "In Your Element" While in Your Home?When I mentioned that seeing our partner's passion is a big turn on, I didn't mean their passion for us. Feeling passion from our partner is fantastic in the moment, but it's not always the best for building the anticipation and desire I mentioned earlier. What I mean by passion is drive, that spark of fire and joy that pushes your partner to pursue their career, create works of art, or build meaningful relationships with friends and family. Seeing this, our partner in action, is what really stokes our fires. The challenge here is that we've all been wearing the same sweatpants for a month and the couch has a permanent imprint of our body. Not exactly fiery passion. So what do we do? Working from home offers a great opportunity to see your partner excelling at their job. This is harder for some than others. Feeling great about a video meeting you just had? Step out for a minute afterwards and share with your partner that you feel excited about how well you performed. If work isn't your drive, set up a craft night where you and your partner can be creative together. Or plan a virtual happy hour where you can see your partner interact with their friends and be the life of the party. Find your passions, and find a way for your partner to see you living them. Taking the Heat OffOur culture likes to talk about turn-ons. What makes you excited? How can I get you in the mood? There are quizzes with hundreds of questions to find out what you're into. However, we often forget the other half of the equation. Dr. Emily Nagoski, another famous sex therapist and researcher, states that if our sexuality is a drive and has turn ons or "Accelerators" it must also have "Brakes." While partners often talk about how to turn each other on, we rarely talk about what turns us off. You know what a huge break is? A global pandemic. On top of all of the other brakes and stressors we're already dealing with, this pandemic is taking stress to the next level, which isn't exactly helping our sex lives. If that's not enough, many of our coping skills have been taken away by the pandemic as well. Gyms are closed, you can't go out with friends, vacations have been cancelled, and it's starting to sound like summer is cancelled. Finding ways to relieve this stress is of paramount importance to keeping your sex life alive. Whether that's improvising a workout you can do at home, going for a walk, or finally picking up that book you've been meaning to read. Relieving stress eases off the brakes so that your sex drive can accelerate.
Passion in a Pandemic is PossibleA quarantine is certainly not the sexiest thing in the world, but with a little proactive effort you can make this time a little bit more pleasurable. If you are finding this harder to do on your own, we offer online therapy for couples looking to enhance, change, or grow their sexual intimacy. Skeptical? That's okay! We even wrote a blog post last month to talk about what online couples therapy can look like. Ready to Start Sex Therapy in Minnesota?Don’t wait any longer to get the couples counseling or sex therapy you deserve. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns in your relationship and connect with your partner in new ways. You can begin t0 overcome problematic sexual behaviors, heal, reconnect and thrive in your relationship through these simple steps:
Other Mental Health Services in MinnesotaIn addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling. We also provide relationship tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out if you have questions or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Things can get better, and counseling can be part of that process.
Are you wondering if online couples therapy is right for you? Or maybe you’re wondering what online couples counseling even looks like? Getting to therapy is hard enough. Then you have to coordinate schedules, work hours, child care, etc Doing therapy online may make it so you can coordinate these things easier and have time for more consistent therapy sessions. More consistent therapy sessions mean your marriage or relationship is going to get better that much faster! Whether you or your partner are right in Plymouth with us, or in St Paul, Minneapolis, or even rural Minnesota, we can provide online counseling for you and your spouse or partner. What is Online Couples Therapy?Online counseing or online therapy is simply therapy conducted online via video conferencing. We send you a link to your session and you are instantly connected to your therapist via video. Online couples therapy just means that your partner/spouse also joins the session. They can join the session by sitting right next to you or from another location. As long as you both are in Minnesota, you can be anywhere and still do therapy together. Therapy feels much like it would in an office setting, except you get to be in the comfort of your own home, office, or other location that is convenient for you! How Do I Set it Up?Video therapy is easy to set up. We simply send you a link to your therapy session and you can “meet us” by phone, iPad, or computer – it’s that simple! We use a secure HIPAA compliant video conferencing system so you can be sure your session is kept confidential and secure. Lots of people get nervous that they won’t be able to “set it up” correctly. We assure you, there is nothing to worry about. If you have ever successfully used FaceTime or Skype you can absolutely do this with success! We will also walk you through it and help in any way possible. Most clients give us the feedback that online therapy was easier and more comfortable than they thought it would be! What Can I expect?Attending online couples therapy you can exepect that you are meeting with a well trained therapist who not only knows how to do evidenced based couples therapy but also is trained in conducting online therapy. After therapy you can also expect the following in your marriage or relationship:
Some people may in fact argue that online therapy is better than in person therapyCouples therapy online helps you relax into therapy. You don’t arrive rushed and stressed from getting to the session nor do they have to rush off after to their busy schedule. They can sit and reflect with their partner about the session and action steps they want to take. Clients also may find they can be more vulnerable at home. Some people have a hard time crying and sharing emotions in a more “public” place because who knows who they are going to run into while leaving the therapist’s office, in the waiting room, etc. Doing therapy in your home provides safety and comfort. Still not convinced? We offer free 30 minute consultations to see if we are a good fit for your needs.Can Mindfulness Make you Better in Bed?
In short, yes! Let’s look at how. First, let’s look at the differences between mindfulness and meditation. Mindfulness and meditation are similar, but not exactly the same. According to the Chopra Center “Mindfulness can be practiced informally (at any time/place) and formally (during seated meditation)”. Read on to learn more. Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. You can practice mindfulness anywhere, anytime, with anyone, simply by showing up and being fully engaged in the present moment. Examples of mindfulness
Meditation is a type of mindfulness that typically refers to a formal, seated mental practice, such as calming your mind, expanding your awareness, opening your heart, and experiencing inner peace. Seated meditation often begins with deep breathing and bringing your awareness to your breath, consciously guiding your mind toward an anchor or single point of focus. If you are new to meditation we recommend using an app such as Calm or Headspace to help you get started. We have yet to see anyone who doesn’t benefit from a daily meditation practice. Now, let’s look at five ways mindfulness and meditation can improve your sex life: 1) Mindfulness can increase sexual desire and enjoyment. Many of us are stressed out from work, our relationships, money, and many other reasons. Stress increases cortisol and adrenaline levels, and increased levels of cortisol and adrenaline decrease sexual desire and overall enjoyment of sex. Since mindfulness and meditation are incredibly powerful stress-reducing tools, it stands to reason mindfulness can increase sexual desire and enjoyment by reducing cortisol and adrenaline levels. 2) Mindfulness decreases stress, which may improve orgasms. Increased cortisol levels can prevent orgasm and cause erectile dysfunction. Fortunately, mindfulness can make a big difference. Research shows mindfulness can reduce the stress hormone cortisol. When our stress drops, our senses perk up. We can touch, taste, smell, hear, and feel more intensely. According to Emily Fletcher, founder of Ziva Meditation, mindfulness helps train our brain to slow down and focus on the “sensations that push us over the edge”. 3) Meditation gives you deep rest, which may revitalize energy for sex. If you’ve ever heard, “Not tonight, honey, I’m too tired”, you’re not alone. According to a recent study by the National Sleep Foundation, about one in every four married or cohabitating Americans claim they're so sleep-deprived they're often too tired to have sex. Meditation boosts melatonin, the naturally occurring sleep-compound. Extra melatonin leads to deeper, sounder sleep, which in turn, leads to waking up feeling refreshed, revitalized, and more energized for sex among other things. 4) Mindfulness makes you more present and less distracted. How many to-do lists have you compiled in your brain during sex? Or maybe you’ve wondered how your body looks from your partner’s angle? Or perhaps you’ve noticed you’re spending more time in your distracted mind than in your body during sex. Mindfulness reduces things that make sex more stressful such as anxiety, fear, and body shame, and helps us stay aware and present during sex. Research indicates those who practice sexual mindfulness and avoid self-judgment during sex have an increased sense of sexual well-being, including increased relational satisfaction, sexual self-esteem, and sexual satisfaction. 5) Mindfulness helps you attune to your partner. Imagine applying mindfulness during sexual pleasure with a partner. Rather than becoming distracted by your own gratification or focusing on a particular outcome, mindfulness creates shared awareness with your partner moment-to-moment. International Sex & Tantra Educator, Monique Darling writes “There is a place beyond what most people imagine. A place of intimacy, connection and pleasure beyond your wildest dreams. This place comes when we place mindfulness on our sexual interactions. Take time to slow down, to feel into what your body wants, giving your partner time to feel into and ask for what they want. The agendas drop away, and instead of a few minutes of orgasm, every touch, every breath, each interaction becomes orgasmic.” Are you are interested in learning more about what mindfulness and meditation can do for your sex life contact us at 651-401-5010 or request a free consultation. Diane Sparish, MA Sex & Relationship Therapist Marriage and Family Therapist Additional Resources: Brotto, L. , (2018). Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire. Vancouver: Greystone Books. Men’s Health. Daily Expert: This Mindfulness Technique Will Enhance Your Sex Life. https://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/mens-health/daily-expert-this-mindfulness-technique-will-enhance-your-sex-life/r539bjn Many women find at some point sex is painful or uncomfortable for them. This is not normal. I repeat this is not normal. I say this not to make you feel bad or shameful about your pain, but to give you hope that there IS help and treatment for painful sex—and you shouldn’t have to “just deal with it”.
Lets break down exactly what I mean when I say “Painful Sex”. Painful sex is defined by pain in your vulva, vagina, or general pelvic region. This pain can be a burning, sharp pain, itching; basically anything that causes discomfort. This pain can happen upon anticipating sexual intimacy, during sexual intimacy, or after sexual intimacy. Painful or uncomfortable sex can be caused by myriad of factors. These include: bladder infection, yeast infections, STIs, endometriosis, PCOS, vulvodynia, vestibulodynia, trauma, anxiety, insufficient stimulation/lubricaion, and more. When sex hurts in can cause shame, anxiety, depression, disconnection with our partner, and more. The good new is painful sex is treatable. Painful sex is often treated with a team of providers which include sex therapists like us. We can help you figure out the best course of action for you and your symptoms. If you would like to meet us and see if we can be of help to you, please contact us for a free 30 minute in person session. |