The Impact of Purity Culture

Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, Sophie Pimsler, MA LMFT

*Disclaimer: The majority of this blog is addressing issues pertaining to cisgender women in heterosexual relationships. However, that does not discount the impact of ARE experiences of LGBTQIA+ identified individuals.

Religion & Sex

Religious experiences can profoundly shape our identities, yet for some, they leave behind deep pain and unresolved struggles. As a sex therapist specializing in Adverse Religious Experiences (ARE), I help individuals navigate the lasting impact of these challenges on their lives and well-being. Through open discussions about sexuality, I often guide clients in exploring how their religious beliefs have influenced their sexual health and relationships. This approach allows us to examine how these experiences affect overall mental health, including intimacy, libido, performance anxiety, and emotional connections. Issues like familial abandonment, community isolation, and the harm caused by purity culture are often at the core of these struggles.
A common challenge I encounter involves significant distress among religiously-identified, heterosexual women regarding their sexual relationships with their husbands. Many of these women wrestle with reconciling their beliefs and sexual experiences, leading to confusion and frustration. Despite "saving" themselves for marriage, they often find it difficult to relax and enjoy intimacy. Some even experience physical pain during sex, yet feel compelled to endure it, believing it is their "duty" to satisfy their husbands.
​Many clients have shared that when they sought guidance from clergy or elders in their religious community, their pain was minimized or normalized. This leaves them questioning what is “wrong” with their bodies and feeling emotionally distressed about their role in the relationship, as they feel unable to please their spouse.

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Defining Purity Culture

Purity culture, rooted in conservative Christian interpretations—particularly within evangelical and fundamentalist branches—promotes sexual abstinence before marriage, often linking a person’s moral worth to their sexual behavior. Women, in particular, are encouraged to remain "pure" for their future spouse, with symbols like purity rings or pledges reinforcing this commitment.
While purity culture is most closely associated with conservative Christianity, it also exists in other religions.

• Islam emphasizes modesty (haya) and chastity before marriage. Premarital sex (zina) is considered a major sin in many interpretations of Islamic law, with strict guidelines for gender interactions.
• Orthodox Judaism enforces modesty standards (Tzniut), particularly for women, and prohibits premarital sex. There are also specific rules regarding physical contact between unmarried men and women, and ritual cleansing (Niddah) during menstruation.
• Hinduism places restrictions on menstruating women, often excluding them from religious spaces and daily activities due to beliefs that they are “polluted,” with some traditions viewing them as “cursed” until their cycle completes.

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Impact on Sexual Education and Health

In communities dominated by purity culture, sex education is often replaced with abstinence-only programs, which have been shown to be less effective at preventing teen pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) compared to comprehensive sex education. Studies indicate that teens who receive comprehensive education are less likely to experience unintended pregnancies. Moreover, abstinence-only education frequently neglects crucial topics such as consent and healthy sexual communication, leaving individuals unprepared for balanced and respectful relationships. This gap in education can negatively impact sexual health, making it harder to make informed decisions about contraception and boundaries.

Sex Therapy Can Help

To address the impact of purity culture, it is essential to cultivate a compassionate and comprehensive understanding of sexuality, one that prioritizes consent, communication, and mutual respect. This approach helps individuals break free from the shame and guilt tied to rigid notions of sexual "purity," empowering them to make informed choices about their bodies. By recognizing that a person’s worth is not tied to their sexual history, individuals can rebuild healthier self-esteem and stronger relationships.
Healing also involves adjusting unrealistic expectations about sex, especially those shaped by purity culture. Many people are taught that marriage will automatically make sex fulfilling simply because they wait. I often use the analogy of a light switch with my clients: religious teachings suggest that once you're married, sex will be as simple as flipping a switch, instantly enjoyable. However, entering marriage without a clear understanding of one’s own body or sexual preferences often leads to confusion and frustration. Sexual satisfaction requires communication, mutual exploration, and patience.
Therapy can play a crucial role in helping couples navigate these adjustments, fostering intimacy, and fostering a more realistic understanding of a healthy sexual connection. In my practice as a sex therapist, I work with both individuals and couples to unlearn the harmful messages instilled by purity culture and other limiting belief systems.
By addressing unrealistic expectations and exploring sexual health and emotional well-being, therapy promotes healing and helps individuals develop a more balanced and nuanced perspective on sexuality. This process often includes discussing personal values, enhancing communication skills, and recognizing the importance of consent and mutual respect in relationships. Therapy also supports individuals in confronting and processing feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety related to their sexual experiences.

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Interested in Starting Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MN?

As clients work through these emotions, they frequently find they can embrace their sexuality in a healthier way, which leads to improved self-esteem and more fulfilling relationships. Ultimately, this therapeutic journey empowers clients to redefine their understanding of intimacy and sex—recognizing that they are distinct concepts—enabling them to engage in their relationships more authentically and without shame. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:

1. Contact the Sexual Wellness Institute to set up your first appointment.
2. Meet with one of our skilled sex therapists for an intake appointment.
3. Begin building better communication with your partner, overcome sexual concerns and experience new fun and intimacy in your relationship!​

Other Mental Health Services in Minnesota

In addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.

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