The Impact of Purity Culture

Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Therapist, Sophie Pimsler, MA LMFT

*Disclaimer: The majority of this blog is addressing issues pertaining to cisgender women in heterosexual relationships. However, that does not discount the impact of ARE experiences of LGBTQIA+ identified individuals.

Religion & Sex

One of my clinical specializations is working with individuals who have experienced Adverse Religious Experiences (ARE). As a sex therapist, I often address these experiences through open discussions about sexuality, helping clients explore how religious beliefs may have shaped their sexual health and relationships.This allows us to explore how these issues impact overall mental health, including relational intimacy, libido concerns, performance anxiety, and past events affecting sexual connection. These experiences may involve challenges like familial abandonment, community isolation, and the harm caused by purity culture.
A common challenge I encounter involves considerable distress among religiously-identified, heterosexual women regarding their sexual relationships with their husbands. Many of these women struggle to reconcile their beliefs with their sexual experiences, leading to feelings of confusion and frustration. Despite "saving" themselves for marriage, they find it difficult to “just relax” and enjoy intimacy. In some instances, they even experience physical pain during sex but push through it, believing it is their "duty" to ensure their husband's satisfaction.
I have had many clients tell me that, when they sought guidance from clergy or elders in their religious community, their pain is normalized or minimized. This dynamic leaves them questioning what is “wrong” with their bodies and feeling emotionally distressed about their role in the relationship, as they feel unable to please their spouse.

---

Defining Purity Culture

Purity culture is rooted in conservative Christian interpretations, particularly within evangelical and fundamentalist branches of faith. It promotes sexual abstinence before marriage, often linking a person's moral worth to their sexual behavior. Women, in particular, are encouraged to remain "pure" for their future spouse, with symbols like purity rings or pledges reinforcing this commitment. 
While closely associated with conservative Christianity, purity culture also exists in other religions Islam places a strong emphasis on modesty (haya) and chastity before marriage. Premarital sex (zina) is considered a major sin in many interpretations of Islamic law, and there are strict guidelines around gender interactions. Orthodox Judaism, has laws including Tzniut which refers to the principles of modesty in dress and behavior, especially for women. These standards often become more stringent after marriage, where premarital sex is prohibited, and there are specific rules governing physical contact between unmarried men and women. Niddah are required periods of sexual separation and ritual cleansing for women during menstruation.​ Hinduism similarly holds traditions where menstruating women face restrictions from religious spaces and daily activities. They are seen as “polluted” and in some cases, women are seen as “cursed” until their cycle completes, reinforcing ideals of purity​.

---

Impact on Sexual Education and Health

In communities dominated by purity culture, comprehensive sex education is often replaced with abstinence-only programs. Studies show that abstinence-only education is less effective at preventing teen pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) compared to comprehensive sex education
A study found that teens who received comprehensive education were less likely to experience unintended pregnancies than those receiving abstinence-only education. Moreover, such limited education often overlooks crucial topics like consent and healthy sexual communication, which can leave individuals unprepared for balanced and respectful relationships.​ This gap in sexual education can negatively impact overall sexual health and awareness, making it harder for individuals to make informed decisions about contraception and boundaries. 

Sex Therapy Can Help

To address the impact of purity culture, it's essential to shift toward a more compassionate and comprehensive understanding of sexuality, emphasizing consent, communication, and mutual respect. This approach helps individuals break free from feelings of shame and guilt tied to rigid notions of sexual "purity" and empowers them to make informed choices about their bodies. By recognizing that one’s worth isn’t tied to their sexual history, individuals can build healthier self-esteem and stronger relationships.
A key part of healing involves adjusting unrealistic expectations about sex, particularly those shaped by purity culture. Many individuals are led to believe that sex within marriage will automatically be fulfilling simply because they waited. I often use the analogy of a light switch with my clients. The religious doctrines teach that once there is permission (marriage), sex will be as easy as turning the lights on or off. However, entering marriage without a clear understanding of one’s own body or sexual preferences often leads to confusion and frustration. It’s important to align expectations with reality by acknowledging that sexual satisfaction requires communication, mutual exploration, and patience.
Therapy can be instrumental in helping couples navigate adjustments to their sexual relationships, fostering intimacy and cultivating a more realistic understanding of what a healthy sexual connection entails. In my practice as a sex therapist, I work with both couples and individuals to unlearn the harmful messages often instilled by purity culture and other limiting belief systems.
By addressing unrealistic expectations and exploring sexual health and emotional well-being, therapy fosters healing and helps individuals develop a more balanced and nuanced perspective on sexuality. This process often involves discussing personal values, enhancing communication skills, and recognizing the importance of consent and mutual respect within relationships. Therapy can also assist individuals in confronting and processing feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety related to their sexual experiences.

---

Interested in Starting Sex Therapy in Plymouth, MN?

As clients work through these emotions, they frequently find they can embrace their sexuality in a healthier way, which leads to improved self-esteem and more fulfilling relationships. Ultimately, this therapeutic journey empowers clients to redefine their understanding of intimacy and sex—recognizing that they are distinct concepts—enabling them to engage in their relationships more authentically and without shame. Our sex therapists want to help you address sexual concerns here in Plymouth, or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Minnesota. Get started by following these simple steps:

1. Contact the Sexual Wellness Institute to set up your first appointment.
2. Meet with one of our skilled sex therapists for an intake appointment.
3. Begin building better communication with your partner, overcome sexual concerns and experience new fun and intimacy in your relationship!​

Other Mental Health Services in Minnesota

In addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.

We're thrilled to be named one of the "Top 20 Sex Therapy Blogs You Need to Follow"

​See the full list here!