Is your sex life normal? How often couples really have sex

​​Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT

If you’ve ever wondered whether you and your partner are having sex “often enough,” you’re not alone. One of the most common questions couples ask is, "how often do most couples have sex?" This post is going to explore that question, and provide some professional guidance from a sex therapist near Minneapolis, MN.

How often do most couples have sex?

While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, it can be helpful to understand what’s typical and when a change in frequency might be a sign that something needs attention. In this post, we’ll share what research tells us about sexual frequency, what factors influence how often couples are intimate, and how to tell if it might be time to talk with your partner about what is or is not working in your sex life.
We also want to clarify something that often gets overlooked. When people ask how often couples "have sex," they are usually thinking about intercourse. But there are many ways to experience physical and emotional intimacy. Expanding your definition of sex can help you develop a more satisfying and connected relationship.

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What Counts as “Having Sex”?

Many people focus on how often they have intercourse, but that is only one form of sexual connection. Kissing, sensual touch, mutual masturbation, oral sex, and other forms of intimate physical contact can all be meaningful ways to bond with your partner.
By broadening your view of what counts as sex, you may realize that you are connecting more than you thought. You may also feel less pressure and more freedom to define intimacy in a way that works for both of you.

What Is the Average Amount of Sex Couples Have Each Week?

While every couple is different, research offers some general guidelines:

• Many long-term couples report having sex about once a week on average.
  
• Younger couples, especially those under 30, often report two to three times per week.
  
• Couples in long-term relationships may experience a gradual decrease in frequency over time.
  

It is important to remember that these are just averages. Some couples feel satisfied having sex once a month, while others prefer a more frequent connection. What matters is how it feels in your relationship.

What Really Matters Is Whether It Works for You

Rather than comparing yourself to what other couples are doing, it helps to ask:

• Are both of us generally satisfied with how often we are intimate?
  
• Is there a difference in desire that is causing frustration or emotional distance?
  
• Do we feel emotionally close even during times when we are less physically connected?
  
• If one of us has a concern about sex do we feel free to bring it up and does the conversation generally go well?
  

If both partners feel content with the current level of intimacy, there is usually no cause for concern.

Why Does Sexual Frequency Change?

It is completely normal for sexual frequency and desire to shift over the course of a relationship. Some common influences include:

• Stress, anxiety, or lack of sleep
• Parenting demands or caregiving responsibilities
• Physical health concerns or medication side effects
• Emotional closeness or unresolved conflict
• Changes in body image, identity, or life stage

It is natural for couples to go through periods of more or less sexual connection. These changes do not necessarily mean anything is wrong.

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What If One Partner Wants More Sex Than the Other?

Differences in desire are one of the most common reasons couples seek therapy. These differences do not mean your relationship is broken. Often, they are a sign that something needs to be explored more deeply with curiosity and compassion.
Couples or sex therapy can help you:

• Understand what may be contributing to desire differences
• Improve how you communicate about sex and emotional needs so that sexual conversations feel easy and natural
• Create new ways to connect that feel good to both partners

When Should You Consider Sex Therapy?

If sex has become a source of tension, disconnection, or confusion in your relationship, sex therapy can help. You do not need to be in crisis to benefit from support. In fact, many couples find that addressing intimacy concerns early can prevent deeper challenges down the road.
At Sexual Wellness Institute, we support individuals and couples in creating fulfilling, connected, and authentic sexual relationships. There is no perfect number of times to have sex. What matters most is that your sex life supports your relationship and your overall well-being. To get started, simply:

1. Contact the Sexual Wellness Institute to set up your first appointment.
2. Meet with one of our skilled sex therapists for an intake appointment.
3. Start experiencing deeper emotional connection, greater sexual satisfaction, and a renewed sense of confidence—both in yourself and in your relationship.

Other Mental Health Services in Minnesota

In addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.