Attachment Styles in Love Is Blind: What to Watch For

​Written by Sexual Wellness Institute Owner and Therapist, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMF

If you're a fan of Love Is Blind, you know that the show is a social experiment that explores how love develops without physical attraction. But beyond the drama and whirlwind romances, it's also a great way to observe attachment styles in action. Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, suggests that our early experiences with caregivers shape how we relate to romantic partners as adults. There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.
As you watch Love Is Blind, we see various personality traits and relationship dynamics- some healthy and some not so healthy. Sometimes we watch a particular scene and think “This seems unhealthy or unhelpful but I can’t quite put my finger on why”. Looking at the attachment styles of the contestants could help you figure out some of those dynamics. Here’s how you can spot each attachment style and understand how they impact relationships on (and off) the show:

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1. Secure Attachment: The Unicorns of Reality TV

Securely attached individuals are comfortable with intimacy and independence. They communicate openly, trust their partners, and manage conflict in a healthy way. Because reality TV thrives on drama, secure individuals are less common in the Love Is Blind universe, but when they do appear, they stand out as stable, reassuring presences. Watch for contestants who navigate difficult conversations with ease, reassure their partners without becoming defensive, and express emotions without fear.

2. Anxious Attachment: The Emotional Roller Coasters

People with an anxious attachment style crave closeness but often fear abandonment. They may come across as overly eager, needing constant reassurance, or spiraling when they sense emotional distance. On Love Is Blind, anxious attachers might rush into deep emotional connections quickly, seek constant validation, and react intensely when their partner seems less engaged. If you see someone who is frequently questioning their partner’s feelings or struggling with jealousy, they likely have an anxious attachment style.

3. Avoidant Attachment: The Commitment-Phobes

Avoidantly attached individuals value independence and often struggle with emotional closeness. They might withdraw when things get too intimate or rationalize their way out of relationships. On the show, this often looks like someone who pulls away when their partner expresses deep emotions, hesitates to commit, or insists they need "space" when conflict arises. If you notice a contestant shutting down during emotional conversations or keeping their walls up, they may have an avoidant attachment style.

4. Disorganized Attachment: The Push-Pull Dynamic

Those with a disorganized attachment style experience a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors. They crave love but fear getting hurt, leading to unpredictable relationship patterns. In Love Is Blind, you might see someone who is intensely affectionate one moment and distant the next, struggling with trust and often sabotaging their own happiness. This can manifest as dramatic breakups, sudden emotional outbursts, or a cycle of pushing their partner away and then desperately pulling them back.

Why Attachment Style Matters

Understanding attachment styles can give you a deeper insight into why certain relationships thrive while others crash and burn. It also helps us reflect on our own relationship patterns and how we might improve them. The next time you watch Love Is Blind, pay attention to how contestants handle emotional intimacy, conflict, and reassurance. It’s a reality show, yes, but it’s also a mirror reflecting how attachment styles play out in real-life relationships.

How to Use This Information to Help Yourself in Relationships

Once you recognize your own attachment style, you can take steps to develop healthier relationship patterns:

• If you have an anxious attachment style:
  
  • Work on self-soothing techniques, such as mindfulness or journaling.
    
  • Build confidence in your worth outside of a relationship.
    
  • Communicate your needs clearly rather than seeking constant reassurance.
    
• If you have an avoidant attachment style:
  
  • Practice opening up emotionally and expressing your feelings.
    
  • Allow yourself to rely on others without fear of losing independence.
    
  • Challenge negative beliefs about vulnerability and closeness.
    
• If you have a disorganized attachment style:
  
  • Seek therapy or self-reflection to break cycles of fear and unpredictability.
    
  • Work on developing trust in relationships and identifying triggers.
    
  • Find healthy coping strategies to manage emotional swings.
    

Consider talking to a couples therapist or online therapist

Recognizing these patterns in yourself is the first step toward cultivating more secure, fulfilling connections. Who knows? Maybe watching Love Is Blind with an attachment lens will help you make better choices in your own love life! What attachment styles have you spotted on the show? Drop a comment below!
Read about my thoughts on cheating (based on Love is Blind 2024), Love is Blind UK, or other seasons of Love is Blind here, or read more about couples therapy and marriage counseling hot topics on our therapy blog. (Not sure what ENM means? Do you need a sex room? (spoiler alert: YES, you do need a sex room!) Thinking about opening your relationship? Interested in knowing more about self-love and pleasure?) Of course, if you're anywhere in Minnesota and want to connect, we would love to talk with you about relationships, sexual concerns, trauma and PTSD, and more. 

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